Is that a hickey on your neck?

That's a question I've heard over and over throughout my life.  It happened in the second grade when I was at a listening station and my well-intentioned teacher leaned over and pointed to the red mark under my chin and inquired.  At 16, I was working the day shift at Subway for extra hours when the store manager instructed me in the middle of the rush to go put a bandaid over it.  It's not a hickey.  It's a birth mark, and many times, I've actually called my mother (in the case with my Subway boss) to prove otherwise. 

Many people tell me they don't notice it.  I've tried to use concealers - especially when I'm doing something important like attending parent/teacher conferences or at a job interview.  I wear my hair down and tilt my head to make it less obvious.  I wonder though if I've ever been discounted because someone mistakenly assumed I had been necking... and yes... even at 30, I still get asked!

I asked the dermatologist about it once and he said he could laser it off - that it would take 3 sessions and would not be covered by my insurance.  That was probably 6 years ago.  He quoted me $600 then.  It's always seemed worth it to me, I just never felt like spending the money... until now!

I'm sitting at 136 lbs (after yo-yoing some up from the previous excited post of 137). After I get a smidge (that's an official number) below 135, I get to reward myself by making that first appointment with Dr. Gadzia (affectionately known as Dr. Godzilla by my eldest).  It's a little reward, but knowing it's on the horizon has brought new motivation.  I'm back at work full time now, and that makes it a bit easier to stay focused - less opportunity to meander to the fridge or pantry throughout the day!  And, I have frozen Lean Cuisine (yuck) meals here to prevent me from running to Mickey Ds.  So... that's one of the plans - elective procedures to motivate me.  It's makes me laugh.  I'm going to ask him about my stretch marks too - I asked before as well.  I have a lot of them, and while he can't rid me of them completely, he can help diminish their appearance.  Back in the day, he quoted me $1,200... but if I get to 125, that's the next call I'm making!  My body has been through a lot, and I deserve a little something to help me in getting back to where I want to be. 

Recalled

I saved nearly every major piece of baby gear from Quincy with the hopes I would one day pass it forward to my sister... little did I know I would end up using it again.  I have found that nearly everything I saved has been recalled - and in searching for new straps for the high chair found a recall for it too:  http://www.consumeraffairs.com/recalls/cosco_hi.html

Apparently, the damn chair comes dislodged from the base and falls - I could have told them that before it made it to the market.  Do they not test their equipment before stocking the shelves of every Babies R Us?  I made it through Quincy with this thing and I knew it was quirky then - I just adjust as always, but I will consider purchasing a new one.  Knowing their is a recall somehow kicks mama guilt into gear.  That's why I have a brand new crib, mattress, infant car seat and stroller.  I didn't even look up the bassinet, but I'm sure it was a recall too...

Thanking the past

Today, I did something I had been meaning to get around to for nearly a decade.  I thanked a woman who was instrumental in giving me the gentle push to turn my life around.  I didn't know her name, but I knew what her job was 10 years ago, so, on a hope and a prayer, I emailed the following letter to the directors of the Adult Education Program of USD 501 - which is now housed at WU Institute of Technology (then it was Kaw Area Technical School). 

My letter of thanks: 

Dear Mary Ann and Melissa,

I wanted to write you both an email to share my story with you because someone in your office changed my life 10 years ago. 

I had dropped out of high school at age 17 after dealing with a series of tragedies in my life.  I ran away from home from nearby Mayetta Kansas - to a place very far away - in Tennessee along with a friend who was reporting to her military post in that state.  I lived in Tennessee for three years and during that time, got married and had a beautiful baby girl.

After my then husband's military service ended, I somehow convinced him to move to Kansas.  I found employment waiting tables as at the Holiday Inn restaurant. It was a tough life with our daughter. 

The fact that I didn't have my high school diploma weighed heavily on my conscious.  I had been an A student through the course of my life and I felt a sense of longing to finish what I had started.  In the Spring of 2000, filled with angst, I walked through the doors of your Adult Education Center to take a pre-test.  My scores were high, allowing me to fast forward past the preparatory classes and straight to the actual GED test.

I'll never forget the day I bounded into your building to retrieve my scores.  It was a day that changed my life forever. 

After telling the lady who was working my name, she thumbed through the test results until she found mine.  She looked at the score for a long moment, and then met my eager gaze.  "Hold on," she said with a hint of uncertainty in her voice.  "I want to make sure this is right." 

She left the counter and went into another room.  I stood alone with my stomach in knots wondering if I had failed.  

She quickly emerged with a huge grin.  She apologized but explained she had never seen a score that high before.  I was elated and remember everything she told me.  She opened a catalog to Allen County Community College and circled some information for me and explained she knew I could receive a scholarship with my high score.  I wish I could remember the name of this wonderful woman.

I left there with that booklet clutched tightly in my hand.  The promise of hope for my future was sweet and for the first time in a long time, I felt alive again.

I did call Allen County and discovered by enrolling full time with my GED score, I could receive my tuition and fees covered with no charge.  Pell Grants covered additional costs and even helped me pay to have daycare watch my daughter.  After one year at Allen County at their Burlingame Campus, I was inducted into Phi Theta Kappa, a two-year college honor society, and then applied for transfer to Washburn.  Washburn University offered me a scholarship of $1,500 per year for my academics and the honor society gave me an additional $1,200 per year.  I applied for every scholarship I could find and received many.  Between academic scholarships and Pell Grants, my entire college education cost me nothing but hard work and determination.

I walked in a cap and gown in May of 2004 pending a dreaded Spanish class, and thanks to another new baby and later a divorce, it took me a while to complete (Summer 2008).  But, much in part of the quick encouragement of some angel on your staff, I am now the Director of Communications for United Way of Greater Topeka.  I have my Bachelors of Arts Degree in Mass Media with dual emphases in Public Relations and Journalism. 

And, best of all, I have set an example for my two daughters and new baby son of which I have tremendous pride.

I just wanted to share my story and thank you.  Many years ago, I also participated in the GED graduation ceremony - if you ever have an opportunity for a speaker for this engagement, I would love the opportunity to motivate others to pursue their dreams.

Thank you
Jamie

Almost immediately after sending it, I received a reply - well, it wasn't a reply, but rather an email between Melissa and Mary Ann that I accidentally got copied on:

WOW!  I believe this angel at the front desk was you, Melissa.  What a wonderful testimony.  Yes, print this off and post it.  I will keep a copy and we will contact Jamie to be a speaker for us :)  This letter came at just the right time to boost our mood, didn't it? ! :)  ma

Soon after, an email came to me:

Jamie,

 

Thank you for writing to us and for sharing your beautiful story.  Congratulations on your graduation from Washburn and on your excellent job with the United Way!  I will keep your letter and we will certainly contact you to be a speaker for us at graduation and, possibly, to our students in classes, too.  They often need a boost to keep up their motivation and to believe that all of their work toward the GED really is worthwhile.  All good wishes for continuing success.   Mary Ann

 

It felt great to finally pass on the thanks and I'm thrilled to learn it was Melissa and that she's still there inspiring others - and now I may have the opportunity to do the same!  I'll keep you posted.

 

Coming out of the Closet...

I'm not gay, but I do love an organized closet - so much so that I decided to blog about it.  In fact, I enjoy organization so much that I will make special trips to recently organized areas and open doors, drawers or cabinets to look at them in complete awe and udder adoration.  Yup. 

By nature, I am NOT an organized person, but that doesn't mean I don't both appreciate and enjoy order. 

For the past nearly four years I have lived in this house, I've been trying to organize the innards of the home. I have visited the same closet and drawer on numerous occasions, dump all its contents, purged our home of unneeded or outdated items and put them away in an organized fashion.

Baby is only 2 months old, and I have organized and re-organized his changing station (I have all his clothes, diapers, gifts, etc... in there).  After the 10th time of it being a wreck, I purchased baskets to help keep things separated and re-organized yet again.  It looked awesome and worked incredibly well.  Since I am the main user of said station (and caregiver of baby 99.9% of the time), it did not get messed up and maintained order.

Fast forward one week.  Last night, I asked hubby to retrieve a fresh onesie for me.  He complained but finally trekked upstairs to grab one.  I thought he might comment on the organization since it was the first time he had been in there.  He didn't, and that was ok.  However, this morning, when I went to dress baby for the day, I opened the doors to the cabinet to admire the order only to find complete disarray from my husband.  The onesies were in a jumbled mess.  Why?  Seriously?  Why?  One visit = complete destruction.

I quickly fixed them and dressed the baby and glanced around my room.  Maybe I really am organized - just surrounded by a bunch of complete slobs.

Feeling better...

I am feeling better - and thinner, even though much of my wardrobe won't cooperate.  I have an incredible shopping itch too.  I think it's a little bit of everything -- being back at work, losing a few more pounds and even tanning and my new highlights.  Everything has given me a little boost of confidence helping me feel human again! 

I'm starting to think of the upcoming independence day with anticipation versus complete dread -- I MIGHT (maybe, no promises) wear a swim suit!

And, I do have some 6 week stomach photos to post - and I'll try and post some for next week as well.

1 3 7 !

Nothing like being too busy to eat while back at work and having to squeeze into work slacks to get a girl re-motivated!  I'm NOT doing the shakes anymore, but will remain in the challenge.  Maybe I can fit into some more slacks by next week or the week after!

Bitchin'

I have like two wonderful friends who actually read this blog - and I say "Thank you" for caring!  Thanks for reading and checking in on my rants and raves and my progress.  Knowing you look in every now and again helps keep me motivated.

Please know that sometimes - oftentimes - I like to bitch.  And, when I get pissy at a pair of pants or the numbers on the scale, I have a tendency to bitch in my blog.  For me it's my therapy.

I know it will take some time and I know I look a lot better than many others just 2 months in - but I'm impatient as hell and I hate being heavy.  I'll try to be a little more positive and focused on the goal, because like it as I might, bitchin' ain't gonna burn a single calorie.

11 Days, 11 Nights...

Can't believe it's been 11 days since my last post.  Not much has really changed or transpired... I skipped my weigh in last week (my one free pass).  I start work tomorrow - guess that's a big deal.  Little Dude will be in tow with me.  I just spent the past hour trying to figure out how to use the baby sling I received as a gift 6 years ago with Lil Q - never figured it out then, but after watching an online video (yes, it's that complex), I think I got it.  And, it will help me free up my hands so I can hold him and work in office at the same time. 

Returning to work has me completely stressed - stomach in knots - random tears, the works.  He's coming with me, so it isn't that... it's just knowing the baby moon is almost over -- knowing I have to somehow balance getting things done and keeping a newborn from crying for 12 hours a week (yes, I know I'm lucky it's only 4 hours a day for 3 days...) and having to deal with the crap shoot that is my job again.  We didn't win the lottery while I was on leave, so I have to return.

All this extra stress and I added more by not losing any weight in these past 11 days.  I'm staying about the same on the crappy home scale at 140.5 lbs.  Have to go weigh in tomorrow for the contest - and for new motivation.  I went shopping yesterday for new work clothes with the girls to be my fashion advisers.  I found a nice first outfit at JCPenney, but they were so busy and overrun with people, I didn't buy it and went to Maurices - one of my all time favorite stores. 

I was pleasantly surprised to find that during my maternity leave they had remodeled and doubled the size of the store! However, the thrills soon ended when I started trying on clothes.  I fit into a 7/8, but even the 9/10 was causing too much muffin top.  My butt isn't the problem - nor my thighs -- it's still the extra thick waist and extra skin.  Ugh.  I couldn't bring myself to purchase an 11/12.  I left after trying on a few things... Now, I should have bought a few things - and those size 9/10 pants were awful, but I was near tears at the idea of even putting an 11/12 on.  I apologized to the sales girl and left with my daughters.  I held in the tears until after dropping them off at their dad's.

It's painful to feel this way.  I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself and shopping is supposed to be fun.  I feel like I have sacrificed so much of myself and that I'll never be happy with it again.  I know I need to be patient, but it's so hard.  I'm trying to hang on.

To help myself feel a little better - in between random crying from being so emotional about returning to work/my body/ life in general - I went tanning for the first time in nearly a year.  It felt good.  And, after that, with the sling working, I feel a little more positive I can actually make it through week one.

W T F !

What.The.Fuck or What.the.Shit! Whatever suits your fancy... because that's what I got to say about my weight this morning.  After pounding over 64 oz of H20 and keeping at 1500 calories, I expected some of that water weight would purge itself from my system.  Nope.  The CRAP scale has me UP A POUND!  Fuck.  Now I REALLY don't want to go in there and weigh.

And, to anyone who reads this blog (no body) I apologize for my ripe language this am, but I just can't help it.

I think I'll just face the freaking music and go in there.  God I hate to see it reverse itself.  I really am half tempted to pull day two of being really good in the hopes that tomorrow's scale will be a better reflection... but then honestly, I only give myself 4 days between weigh ins (supposed to weigh in again next Monday...).

I'm still undecided...  so, I'm going to keep my readers (no one) hanging!

Eight Weeks Postpartum

Eight weeks sounds like a long time and such a short time all at once.  Today, I hit the links for the first time since I had the baby - and I was exhausted by hole 5.  Good thing we only signed on for 9.  I was a bit frustrated with myself, but felt better when I remember that it has ONLY been eight weeks.  It's gonna take some time and the best way to get there is to get active and get moving and of course - to allow myself to have a little patience.

However, I was a bit discouraged at my weigh in - in fact, I was so discouraged that I decided my weigh in was some how off base didn't count.  Here's what happened - I weighed this morning on the crappy scale and was holding steady at 140 (yes, up slightly from Saturday's low of 139...).  So, I drank my coffee and ran the girls to camps and headed out with the baby to the nutrition place.  I ordered my shake and weighed - I weighed in right at 147!? WTF!  I should have been down according to my home scale - is my good luck weightloss finally catching the turn?  Am I going to have to actually try really hard to lose weight now?  DRAT!

The chick that runs the place (and does that measurements) was out, so I quickly slipped my shoes back on and decided I would come back the next day and try again.  I drank alot of water to flush my system and stayed around 1500 calories.  Hopefully, it's just a bit of extra water weight and I'll drop again tomorrow.  I sure hope so!  I know I'm getting lower and lower on the scale and that's gonna mean it will get harder and harder. 

But, I'm in it for the long haul - and I will get down.  I think a good short term goal should include a swimsuit (GASP!) for an Independence Day bash.  Even if it's a one piece, it's 4.5 weeks away... I bet I could drop close to 10 in that time. 

Oh, and not to complain, but the BEST part of being pregnant was that my face was crystal clear - apparently that's not the case any longer. 

Memorial Day Blues

Too funny - I started writing this post to rant about memorial day -- the swimwear and pool attire, alcohol and other and junk food -- and how I was so sure it would be no fun for me.  The post was left opened and titled and I'm not ashamed to admit when (occasionally) I am wrong.

It was so great to hang with friends (both old and new).  It felt good for Matt and I to be out - with the baby - and to start living our life as a family.  And, it felt good to drink beer - even though I limited myself to 3 beers over the course of over 7 hours :)  It was great - and the best part was learning that a very good friend of mine is pregnant! And, she's using me, my weight loss and this very blog as inspiration.  Maybe she should write a pregnancy journey blog.  I wish I had done that very thing - recorded my thoughts and frustrations and ranted and raved and then also poured my wishes and desires onto a record of sorts for my new little guy.  Pregnancy is amazing - it's also hard on a woman emotionally and physically in ways men just can't understand - but it affects everyone in the family.  I'm glad it's reached its end and that we have B.B. to hold in our arms - I hope it made us stronger - only time will really tell.

Memorial Day was great.  Another day closer to feeling normal again.

In regard to my weight loss - which is really what this blog is about - it's going very well!  I'm down to about 11lbs according to my home scale (and NO, I haven't bought a new one yet...).  I think I figured out the error of my ways and why it wasn't working properly.  Two days ago, I weighed in at 139! Which is exciting - the only frustrating part is I'm STILL not fitting into my pants.  The biggest problem is my waist line - it's still too  big to accommodate most of my pants.  And, I did try my one piece on - I can't even fit into the damn thing yet.  Ok, that's a complete lie.  I CAN fit into it, but it's actually a tankini and my fat splurges out through the center seam.  Ahhh... maybe by Independence Day... that's what I'm shooting for!

Slow Progress

Picture of my face - still puffy fat, but not AS fat - at an event last Thursday evening.  And, Yes, I'm wearing the same outfit as the previous pic because it's the only nice outfit that fits at the moment. 


And, no, it's not nice to use my pics from the day after childbirth to compare it... but it does show good progress!

Confused

Last week, I lost 2 lbs and I was pretty certain when I walked in I might gain - so, I cheated.  I weighed before my morning breakfast.  Even with the so called cheating, I was surprised when I saw the results - because while I thought I might hold steady or lose an ounce or two at best, I didn't expect 2 pounds!

This week was pretty much the same story, but I couldn't "cheat" again and decided to go in and face the music.

I lost another pound and a half.

Are you confused? Well, I am.  I was really disciplined yesterday and stayed around 1500 calories.  I got back on my ol' home scale again today and it still showed no progress... making me wonder if my scale is unreliable.  Maybe - after all, I've had it for 8 or 9 years and it isn't digital.

Now, on to the online shopping quest for a new scale.   And, I would like to note how awesome it truly is that I lost weight, but that my scale was broken -- I wish that were always the case... :)

Banana Smoothie

I'm usually a chocolate girl, but today, made a banana smoothie for breakfast.  All I can say is YUM!

2 Scoops Vanilla Shake Powder
1 Tablespoon Protein Powder
1/2 Banana
1 Cap of Banana Extract (Imitation)
1 Packet of Splenda
1 Cup Skim Milk
8oz Ice Cubes

I put the milk in the blender first and then add all the rest aside from ice - blend it and then blend it with the ice.  It's delicious!

Despite feeling crappy yesterday from that AWFUL pic (reminding myself that I have had awful pics while skinny too...), I did feel great at the AWC event - it was a wine tasting and yes, I probably should have passed on the wine, but I didn't - we also didn't have but a drink of each wine so I only had maybe a glass and a 1/2 (MAYBE).  Everyone was  so wonderfully encouraging - and complimentary about my skinny jeans I wore - which really helped re-motivate me.  Can wait until I'm back in my REALLY skinny jeans!!! LOL

I weighed in on the home scale this morning, and here's my stats:
HOME SCALE
Prepregnancy Weight:  128
Highest Pregnancy Weight:   165 (although I don't know - it might have been higher!)
Weight Gained:  37lbs
Current Weight:  141lbs
Weight Lost:  24lbs
Pounds to go:  13lbs!

Self esteem - Self Destruct

Feeling pretty good about myself until this picture surfaces on Facebook... why God?  WHY?  This was taken just this last Sunday at my nephew's graduation party.  Seriously.

Me VS Denim

And I'm winning the battle of the jeans.  Yesterday, I zipped up another pair! And, it looked pretty damn good too... that puts me into THREE pairs of my old jeans plus a new pair I bought!!! Woo hoo!!

DOWN 2!?

I can't believe it, but I'm down 2 more lbs!!! Putting the total for the weight loss challenge at 4.2 lbs lost.  I weighed in at 147.6 and am super thrilled.  I also bought some protein powder while I was there to add to my shakes.

That puts me at 2.8% lost!

Weight UNKNOWN?!

It's MONDAY - official challenge weigh in day and I have no idea what I weigh - every morning (except today) I have jumped on the scale.  But, after 2 all day graduation celebrations and Hubby making me shrimp scampi and buttered artichoke hearts on Saturday night (I love him AND I hate him!!!), I'm really nervous.  Since there's nothing I can do at this point but face the music, I'm going in blind and crossing my fingers.

I WAS down a pound earlier in the week... let's hope it holds and I don't gain!

That said, it has been super hard this weekend and I know I'm going to have to do a lot more to master the parties because in the summer, they are like every weekend -- and usually there are swimsuits (GASP!) involved.  I didn't feel like I overate yesterday, but I have the "I ate too much sodium puffy face" today.  Yuck!  The odd thing is that I DID drink water, but just not enough to compensate for all the grab and go quick foods (potato chips, deli meats...).

I'll update my progress after I weigh in.

Tools to SUCCESS

I've been relying on a free online calorie counter like an absolute crutch to keep me honest and accountable this past week and a half.  www.fitday.com.

I've been on Fit Day for 5 years now, but moved away from it when I found www.Sparkpeople.com (a free counter and weight loss community).  The problem with Sparkpeople is that it can be pretty complicated and can take up a lot of your time -- of course, you don't have to go to all the forums or read all the articles, but I did.  Sometimes I found it helped keep me focused, but I can't say I learned much of anything.  I should have been a dietician because I've pretty much read every opinion, concept, fact or study out there when it comes to nutrition and weight loss.  It's like crack for me and I'm a total junkie.

Fit Day is basic without all the fluff and these days, with the baby, I don't have time for fluff, so it fits good with my lifestyle.  You can track your calories and easily add recent food items.  It doesn't have as many name brand items, so I find myself entering a lot of items into the Custom Foods section, but once you get your basics in (admit it, you eat the same foods over and over again...), it's not hard to keep it up.  It doesn't have a water counter, but with my big 32 ounce jug I got from the hospital, I actually do pretty good with that.  It will tell you your approximate RMR and does some great analyyics and graphs - including the ever-important calories in versus calories expended.  It also estimates how many calories you should cut/burn to lose your goal weight - and it even warns you if you goal exceeds recommended safety guidelines.

The site is free, but there is also a premium version and a PC version which can sync online so you can still maintain accurate counts anywhere.  Not sure if there is an iPhone app yet, but if there isn't, one has to be in development. 

As I got on the home scale this morning and stared at 141 (wooo hooo!) I did a little dance and thought since I've had some successes, it's time I started sharing my "Tools to Success!"

The MYTH of the naturally skinny woman

I'm not dogging on fat people here - especially since I'm currently one of them -- but I remember hearing this many times over during my days as a Jenny Craig weight loss counselor -- "What do YOU know about weight loss, you're one of those Naturally Skinny People."  The statement was accusatory (that I didn't know anything about my job) and the way they would say "Naturally Skinny People," was similar to how a typical person 100 years ago might say something about one who had Leprosy... like it was a disease and a disgusting one at that. Honestly, wouldn't those clients WANT to catch that disease (if indeed it were one...).  But, through my years as a human - sometimes a skinny one, sometimes a fat one, here's a truth I have come to accept:

THERE ARE NO NATURALLY SKINNY WOMEN OVER AGE 25!

As a formerly accused NSP (Naturally Skinny Person) who has known many accused NSPs I can tell you I cannot think of a single woman I have met at my age (and even a tad younger) who is skinny and doesn't have to work at it.  I know for many overweight people out there, this is a difficult concept to understand.  Some think there is a magical gene the Skinny folk have making them a naturally fat repellent - incapable of falling victim to late night munchies, salt cravings and chocolate attacks.  Well, it JUST AIN'T SO!

Even while maintaining a low weight for a long stretch of years combined with regular exercise, I have always had a vicious cycle of carefully calculating every morsel into my mouth followed by complete overindulgence and weight gain and back again to detailing every calorie in versus every calorie out.

The simple fact is that the supposed NSPs have less wiggle room when it comes to their caloric intake.  For example, my resting metabolic rate at my current weight (149) is approximately 1412 calories a day (not taking activity or breastfeeding into account).  For my same height and age at my previous weight, my caloric requirements to maintain my weight drop significantly -- to maintain a weight of 125, I need about 1186 calories.  Imagine, having to live every single day off of less thank 1200 calories?  It's possible (difficult, but possible) and add in some exercise to boost the caloric requirements and it's a livable lifestyle.

Case in point? In today's quick food world centered around food, indulgence and gluttony, there are NO NSPs at our age.  Instead of blaming genetics, it's time to jump on the treadmill and start monitoring intake.  Less in and more out is the only way to weight loss.

Now that this tangent is over, I would like to also share that I'm down an additional pound this morning!  Can't wait to see the results at my official weigh in next Monday.

Yesterday's success + today's commitment = tomorrow's victory

I was pretty pumped after yesterday's weigh in... and even though it's counter productive, I did splurge a tad to celebrate - I bought the chili and lime flavored almonds (I know... not really splurging), ate an extra taco at dinner and enjoyed the last of the Daddy Cakes (which we really took too long to eat - they were getting tad stale).

I THINK I might even be able to win - last time the prize was $900 for first and the winner lost 15 % of his bodyweight.  I've lost 1.4% in the first week.  If I lose 20 lbs, I'll be at 13.2% lost - and that's in contention.  If I lose just 2 lbs more, it boosts me to 14.5%.  Even if I don't win and only lose 12 lbs, I'll still be happy I'm on my way, but in my mind, I'm already at a shopping trip at Dillards!!!

I'm positive, focused and motivated -- and on my way to returning to my pre-pregnancy physique!

OH... Ya...

143 POUNDS! I can't believe I'm so excited about that number, but after sitting in the same spot (and even creeping up a bit to 146), I'm ecstatic to see progress at last!  Maybe this program (of which I have modified after all to allow MORE calories for breastfeeding) will help keep me in line!  It's definitely steered my choices into making the better option.  And, it's paid off by nearly 3 lbs.

I think I actually go into the challenge and weigh tonight, but I'm not sure and the weather is downright scary.  I will call and see what they want me to do.  If the challenge requires me to weigh in, I won't if there is a threat of tornadoes (severe weather seems imminent tonight). 

Now, I DO need to get back with my exercise - and I will.  I love running (and I hate it too), but it can wait if I'm actually losing.

The other question is - do I think the Herbalife Shakes are helping me lose weight - I'd have to say both Yes and No.  Yes, because I invested dollars into them and therefor committed myself.  No, because I know I could do it still without them, but I was lacking motivation and commitment and Yes because I'm competitive, a sucker for a good challenge and deal and because being kept accountable does help.  It helps a GREAT DEAL.  I've been on the other end of the accountability before - at Jenny Craig I weighed in others.  But, now that I'm on this end, I do feel added pressure do get results.  The last thing I want is to go into the center and NOT lose weight (and have to pay a dollar - only a dollar, but it's the whole fact you are getting penalized).


My Current Stats (Home Scale):
Preprego Weight:  128
Prego Weight:  165
Current Weight:  143
Pounds Lost:  22
Pounds to go:  15 (I would like to add that IDEALLY, I would like to get back to 122... so, if the weight loss goes well, the pounds to go might change)

One half of a pound... maybe

Maybe it was a fluke or I couldn't quite see straight... but the scale was KIND this morning!  It showed me down a 1/2 pound, which is damn good because I'm friggin ravenous!! LOL.  I'm still not getting my exercise in - I am SO exhausted with Hubby traveling.  Between that and just keeping up on things, I wonder if it's not impossible without a bit extra help.  He comes home sometime this afternoon (hallelujah!).  I will likely throw the baby at him as he walks in the door and crash right where I'm at.  Seriously, I'm THAT tired.  After the joys of the night before (only up at 1:50 am), last night was horrendous and I was up I think every single hour.  I'm also aging by three times as fast as a direct result.  Ugh!

The best news is that it's Friday, but along with Friday comes the weekend and with the weekend are a few unique challenges.


First Friday - tonight is the art walk and I really want to get this little guy out and stroll for some social time.  First Friday means lots of appetizers (and wine).  So, if I go, I'm going to have to be extra careful.

Lil Q's Birthday - Party is Saturday at the Skating Rink and I'm picking up Daddy Cakes (the best damn bakery in Topeka) for the celebration -- and yes, I ordered  them long before I started this program.

Mother's Day - It's Sunday and there is a Mother's Day brunch Hubby and all the kids and I are going to on Sunday - I think I'll be having Quiche or a Breakfast Casserole.  I'll have to be on my best behavior because I think Monday is weigh in day.  If I'm not down, I'll be paying a buck.

A new plan

I'm very frustrated.  Hubby's traveling now, which will  become the norm, and I can't get my exercise in! Until baby is 6 weeks and can go to the nursery at the gym, I'm at his mercy.  I think, to help, I'm going to see if the lovely lady across the street wouldn't mind keeping an eye on him a few times a week when Hubby's traveling.  She watches her granddaughter (4) on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and they seem really excited about the baby. 

Yesterday was Lil' Q's 6th birthday!  And, I managed to somewhat follow my new diet plan.  I  made and ate my first shake for breakfast and got Subway for lunch (I brought Lil Q Subway to school and ate with her for her special day). After that, I splurged on a few snacks after getting shake supplies at the store - apples with reduced fat PB, low fat string cheese... nothing bad, but it tipped me higher than I would have liked.  Especially since my mom came out and we had cake and ice cream.  I kept portions small, and think I ended under 1800 (hard to calculate exact). But, it wasn't great because I didn't get my water and I wasn't down again this morning.

Today, I plan to at least get a stroller walk in.  Can't wait until he big enough to get into the running stroller!  Walking is better than nothing, and maybe I can squeeze a Pilates tape in too -- I hate falling behind, but this will have to do for now.

New HOPE

I admit it, my frustration was overtaking my motivation... which started out soaring.  After two weeks and seeing zero progress on the scale (WTF!!!???), I decided to call in some experts.  Yesterday, I went to an informational meeting for an Herbalife sponsored Weight Loss Challenge -- and yes, their are cash prizes, but I'm focused right now on the great benefits which include:

1. Accountability - it's a must.  If I have to weigh in to someone else (even though I DO post it here), it's face to face and it will keep me more focused.
2. Penalties - if I gain weight or miss a weigh in, I owe a buck.  If I don't record my meals through journals, I owe 50 cents.  
3. Nutritionist - actually, this was more helpful than I thought.  It's a higher protein plan with the shakes, and I'm glad to have professional support to help me stay on focused.  I give her much more credibility than a simple sales person (like I was at Jenny Craig)
4. Information - they did the WHOLE workup on me - from body fat to my resting metabolic rate (which was SO SURPRISING!).  Now, I know why I'm not losing.  I'll post my stats from the visit below.

The challenge itself lasts 12-weeks, and while I am not going to do anything like a fad diet, and yes, this one does involve shakes, I think all considered, it will be helpful for me.  I'm hoping to at least lose 10 lbs through the challenge.

My home weigh in basically didn't move - 146.  My weigh in at the challenge was 151.6 (BLEK).  My goal for the week is to weigh in under 150 next week at the challenge -- meaning I need a 2 lb weight loss.  It's so doable.


Here are a few of my other stats:

• 36.6 percent body fat (haven't seen it that high since... after Koko was born!)
• 36 inch waist (to be figured since nothing has shrunk back yet)
• 1410 Resting Metabolic Rate - yes, this includes the breastfeeding.  She said I have a slow metabolism, and the 1800 calories typically assigned from places like Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers for Breastfeeding Mom's is just an arbitrary number not tied to your individual metabolism... interesting... isn't it? No wonder I wasn't losing at the 1800-2,000 calorie range.  The problem is I'm going to be SO HUNGRY at first!  But, let's give this a shot at 1300 calories - I'll monitor my milk production and detail any issues in this blog. I'm also supposed to get 117 Grams of Protein a day... don't know how that will work, but I'll try.

I will say the nutritionist wasn't too supportive of my goal weight - 125... but I know I can get there.  Maybe it just sounds low?  Oh well, it's still my number regardless.  Shit, I weighed 117 when I worked at Jenny Craig - and that was WITH clothes!  I'm not trying to be that low - and for me, 125 is very reasonable.

EXERCISE UPDATES - I kinda blew it yesterday.  Matt got a little frustrated with me as I waited until 7:45 to go on my run, so I didn't do it after all.  Today, I had hoped to play makeup, but all I got in thus far was a 30 minute brisk walk with the stroller.  Other running attempts fell short.  Hope to get some Pilates in too.  Tomorrow, I'm going to continue with my Wednesday plan to run 10 and walk 10... oh boy!

Hmmmm... no posts for a weekend

I took a double weekend rest day -- and I so needed it!  I think some of that high end motivation has dwindled, and now it's just me and my determination left over.  No worries -- I got plenty of determination.  I won't miss a run day, and I justified it yesterday with the yard work  I did as a trade for my cross training.  The yard is looking pretty sweet thanks to having a few hired hands one day and a lot of grunt work from hubby and I on those that followed.  Looks good.

Now, my weight... not so good.  I'm really disappointed as I weighed myself earlier in the week (the day AFTER we enjoyed baby back ribs) to find myself actually UP 2 lbs.  I am sure it was too much salt and water retention, but between that salt and the extra salt from a fish fry yesterday, I'm sure to be more displeased come my official weigh in tomorrow.  All week, I had a feeling I would end up with a nutrition plan to start of my Tuesday.  I don't WANT to diet, and it's gonna be hard as I'm really hungry with nursing (and I CRAVE sugar like mad), but, it has to be done. 

And, yes, I'm still nursing.  Little man got 6 ounces of formula yesterday and he's almost one month old.  On Thursday, I'm going to up his formula intake and start the weaning process in higher gear.  I can't just stop.  Ouch! But, I will wean him.  Maybe as soon as the 6-week mark.  I'd like to be through with it and have normal boobs and do normal dieting again.  Selfish?  No way.  If it is good for me, it's good for my baby, and sanity of the mother is of highest priority.

Today is a run day.  I hope I can get outside.  Hubby left for his first overnight last night but is home this afternoon (although gone again Wednesday - Lil' Q's Bday! - through Friday).  Today, I'm to run 4/walk 1.  Wednesday is a tough one.  I'm nervous and yet excited -- I'll be up to a 5K run in NO TIME.  Just wish the weight would peel off as quickly as I'm building endurance and stamina...

That said, I'm checking into some support options - maybe the Daily Shake Nutrition Center -- it worked wonders for my good friend Cydney, and a little support and motivation never hurt anyone.

Testing mobile blog posting by text!

Hungry & Lookin Like a Hippo

I have been insatiable the past few days, gobbling up all kinds of crap in sight with no apparent self control.  Maybe I'm self sabotaging -- nah... just think I'm a bit stressed.  Looks like I will likely begin restricting calories next Tuesday after all. 

Yesterday went great -- got in my mat pilates - that was it, but I think I'm ok with that for my cross training days for now.  Today is a big running day, and it's gonna be on the treadmill.  3 running, 1 walking.  I'm almost a real runner now!

Outdoors VS Treadmill

Today, it was a repeat of Monday's Jog 2/Walk 1 for 20 (I did 30!), but I was outdoors.  I don't know how far I actually went or how many calories I supposedly burned, but the outdoor workout trumps the indoor workout every single time.  Here's a few reasons why:

1. The  treadmill is designed to give cushion - and lessen the impact of each step.
2. There is no wind in the basement.
3. There is no uphills and downhills on the treadmill.
4. There are no drink breaks outside.
5. I don't get interrupted with phone calls outside either.

I'm sure there are other reasons a treadmill workout is easier.  The reverse is sometimes true as well as indoors, while I can turn on the TV (and give myself a nice crook in my neck straining to watch it), it's incredibly boring.  Straight ahead, all I see is a blank blue wall (and the ceiling reveals work waiting to be done).

Today was a success - and I shot beyond the requirements of my plan.  Friday brings a new level - jog 3/walk 1 - and next week, is pretty intense... leading me to ask, "WHO THE HELL DESIGNED THIS CRAZY PLAN!!??"  Oh, wait... that was me.. OOOPS!!!

Yesterday ended mostly a bust despite high hopes and expectations.  I walked with BB around the block twice (about one and a quarter miles) for about 20 minutes.  And, then at some point I passed out with BB in my arms for TWO HOURS.  I must have needed the sleep - my mom came in town and it must have exhausted me -- I did clean the kitchen and entry way floors (swept and mopped) - does that count toward cross training? hmmm, I thought not. 

Everyday can't be a super-achieving day - which is why some days I exceed goal, some does I simple meet goal and others I will fall shy.  It happens and will happen again - regardless I'm sticking with it. 

Tuesday Weigh In

I weighed in and wasn't happy.  Still at 145 - as my sister-in-law would type in her blog, "What.the.Fuck?"  I'm not going to freak out or worse yet, falter.  My weight may remain unchanged week over week, but I've lot serious inches, and I'm not going to be upset about that.  My plan is simple - stay on course, and be cautious of what I eat.  If, however, next week also nets no results, I will begin a more strict plan for my food intake -- probably around 1800 a day.  As I wean the nursing, I know my calorie requirements will also drop.  BB is preferring the bottle more and more.  It makes me a little sad, but really, it's much less stressful and I love him all the same.

No more mommy guilt for me!!!

I felt great after my jog yesterday.  I went 30 minutes - started with a 2 minute warm up and then alternated jogging 2 minutes at 5.5 miles per hour followed by a brisk walk for 1 minute at 4.0 mph.  After 21 minutes, I jogged straight (dropping down to 5.0 for a few minutes) until I hit the 26 minute mark and felt incredibly empowered.  I will soon be going for 2 and then 3 miles straight!  What an amazing accomplishment at only three weeks postpartum.  

Today is a XTraining day, and I'm up to 35 minutes cross training now.  My mom is actually coming to help me out today, which is wonderful considering Hubby is out of town for the day in Manhattan for a demo.  My exercise plan is the Mat Pilates portion of my Denise Austin tape and 15 minutes power walking.  I will do this after mom leaves and hopefully before the kiddos get home. Eventually, I'll build up to doing some actual calorie busting cardio on these days, but I'm not in the business of burning out early.  My plan is a real lifestyle change.

Onto another note - my eldest daughter, Koko, 11, has been busy participating in intramurals over the past 2 1/2 weeks.  Every morning, she has gotten up early for track practice and Hubby has driven her in the early AM.  Yesterday was her track meet marking the end of intramurals (yay!).

I was so thrilled to have her get involved in athletics.  She hadn't shown much interest in the past, and to be honest, she lacks the ability and drive -- raw talent that just can't be taught.  My daughter is one of the sweetest, most beautiful young women I know, and I'm not speaking ill of her - it's just not her niche.  And, that's ok.  But, it brought back tough memories of my own - watching her come in almost last and then last for two races (200 meter dash and 100 meter dash).  Much like her, I wasn't a sprinter.  In fact, I didn't have much athletic ability until about 8th grade (and then chasing boys took priority).  But, I did have some skill and hand eye coordination... it was hard to watch her just like I'm sure it was hard for her to compete knowing she wouldn't and couldn't win.


She was brave for sticking with it and I'm proud of her.  Maybe one day, she'll find a love of running (not sprinting!) like her mom has...

But, I can't close out without commenting on the extraordinarily high percentage of FAT MIDDLE SCHOOL GIRLS I saw! It was ridiculous! They really are getting fatter and fatter -- and it's sickening to see so many pretty girls setting themselves up for bad health.  Our nation really is in an epidemic, and I hope I can instill good habits in my kids before it's too late for them.

Antibiotics - hurray!

Mastitis be gone with you (or, sometime after 10 days of pills) - I am feeling so much better and completed my run today.  I felt a little guilty about yesterday, but, I needed a rest day, and mastitis can get serious.  Today, I went 30 minutes and jogged 2 (5.5 mph) and walked 1 (4.0 mph). I took it up as high as 5.8, but didn't want to over do it (again...).  On Thursday and Friday, I'll work to increase the mph on the jogging stretches. 

I feel great.  I sweat a lot.  And, while I don't know what tomorrow will bring in regard to my weight, I know I'm heading in the right direction.

OMG DOMS!!!

Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness (DOMS) hit me unexpectedly late yesterday afternoon.  I didn't realize I had "over done" it so much to be SO SORE everywhere!!! I actually thought my muscle pains were a result of me getting sick -- shows you how long it's been since I did a REAL workout.

I pushed through it and managed to do the yoga portion of my Denise Austin tape around 8:30 at night.  Nothing like waiting until the last minute.  It was only 20 minutes, and it was disgraceful at best, but I did it - huffing and puffing and falling over (I have NO balance!).  And, I considered my walking around the soccer fields as the remaining 10 minutes (to complete the 30 required).  I hurt - and especially my back -- and I know it's from the darn baby carrier.

And, then, I don't know why, but I stepped on the scale today.  I'm really sore (as stated previously) and probably holding on some inflammation, but it hadn't moved!!!  I'll wait to see what my official weigh in day says before I totally freak.  I know I'm gaining muscle and losing inches, but the scale CANNOT stay where it is if I'm to get back to the preprego size I crave.

Today, is a 30 minutes XT or Long Walk day.  I'm hoping to get on my bike at long last!  Looks like a beautiful day for it.

UPDATE: I'm no doctor, but it's not just a little DOMS I'm dealing with.  I realized when I was getting in the shower that I have Mastitis - an infection of my milk ducts.  It might be from giving BB a few bottles, wearing a tight sports bra or not alternating nursing positions enough.  It hurts! And, chills and a fever are two side affects... not sure what to do about my workout today and I'll have to wait until tomorrow to get to the doctor... To Be Continued...

The new pic is one of the ones from Shelley's photo session.  I think it's beautiful! And, while I love nursing my son (I nursed the girls for 5-6 months each), I think I'll call curtains this time around much sooner.  It's very taxing, and while it's supposed to promote weight loss, it doesn't for me.  My sanity has to come first... and right now, my breasts hurt so bad!!! I'm thinking I'll wean him slowly over the next 3-5 weeks.  He's gotten a lot of good stuff already.

Bootylicious, but not in the good way

The title is meant to be comical, and I'm trying my hardest to take the extra weight with a few extra laughs at myself.  It's not always easy, but I'm determined, and I am very positive about my journey!  I can thank my close friends for being so wonderful by reading my blog or asking me how my running program is going.  It's only been a few days since I've really been at it, but it makes me look with anticipation toward posting and hearing their positive reinforcement later.  Thanks guys!!!

Today WAS a rest day, but after my Thursday miss, I'm doing cross training today to make it up.  I already snuck in some bonus exercise at the soccer fields as I toted BB around in a front pack -- man, that's a workout!!!  Today, I hope to get in a pilates session and about 10 minutes of walking on the treadmill.  Forecast is calling for lots of rain and thunderclouds are visible on the horizon.  Better to play it safe indoors this time around.

I wore a pair of pre-pregnancy jeans today - they were from Charlotte Russe and a size 9.  My other 9s don't yet fit as these are ultra low rise -- giving the expanded tummy a little wiggle room.  They were the jeans I wore the longest in the beginning of my pregnancy, and having a new tummy, hip and thigh shaper from Target really does wonders for keeping the rolls in control and preventing muffin top.  It's not a long term solution, but I'm wearing my jeans (or at least a pair or two...).

Sports bra is in the dryer...

I knew I would have schedule adjustments, especially with a new baby, but I had hoped I could avoid it at least during my first week of training.  Nope.  The cards were stacked against me yesterday with the torrential rain, BB's incessant feedings and insatiable appetite and then Koko's band concert with the unexpected drop in from my parents (yep, I think THEY felt guilty... what a change of pace...).

But, I will not let this slight set back deter me as my solution is easy -- I'm switching my rest day for the XT day and suddenly ALL is forgiven!  Today is a running day.  The sports bra is in the dryer and soon I'll be ready to roll!

In speaking of Sports Bras - how important - no VITAL they are now.  My breasts are HUGE and get very heavy in as little as 30 minutes post feeding.  I bought a couple quality ones at Target - even tried them on to ensure a good fit with my new size.  Everything was great until I got home and realized I tried them on with very full milk feeders... LOL.  It's funny how a feeding can change the bra size a whole cup size -- and even funnier when I appear lopsided because of it.  I now have to exchange those sports bras and until I make it to Target, am cycling through the one quality one I have here.  I won't let a little thing like have enough underwear get into my way ;)

Here the link to C-9 by Champion Sports bras at Target: I purchased two in black and white.  I noticed they also have nursing sports bras online -- in fact they have a TON of nursing gear online they don't have here locally... time to shop some more?

UPDATE:  Ran/Walked 2.343 miles in 30 minutes.  Alternated 1 min @ 6mph by 1 min @ 4mph for 20 minutes and threw in a few extra runs at 5 mph at the end.  Also walked about .75 miles getting Lil Q with BB in his front back carrier -- which is REALLY tiring caring a baby so far in the thing. 

Out & About

What a frustrating and yet wonderful day.  The morning began with more photos of BB from my favorite photographer (and wonderful friend) Shelley Jensen (check out her website at www.shelleyjensen.com).  Later, Hubby ran for golf and I headed to the office to show off one of my three best works of art (BB of course!).

After a busy day of running around, I got back home and fed him and waited for Hubby to return so I could complete Day 3 - and my second day of running.  It was a gorgeous day out and the run went perfect - much better than before, and I even snuck in a few 2 minute runs to alternate with my minute walk.  It was tougher, but I'm confident I'll be ready next week for it.  I ended it with a brisk 10 minute walk - making the exercise total of the day 30 minutes.

As far as the frustration I posted previouly with my mother, it's still very much an issue, but I remind myself that it's her loss.  Many grandparents would jump at a chance to drive a mere 25 minutes to spend time with a new grand baby, but those aren't parents of mine.  And, hopefully I'll come to terms with it one day by letting go of hope and expectation.  In the meantime, we're keeping on by leaning on each other. 

Day 2: I am BEAUTIFUL!

It's a two post kinda day as I have to update with my workout.

Today was a 30 minutes Pilates or Cross Training Challenge.  I was pretty set on NO PILATES yet because my abs, while surprisingly strong for being two weeks postpartum, are not really Pilates-ready - even for my favorite 90s Denise Austin Pilates Mat Workout Video.  It has two easy to follow mat workouts.  One is more focused on a Mat Pilates core workout while the second is Yoga based.  They are fairly easy - I used to do Pilates every morning and Yoga every night and run mid day back in my early 20s (pre Lil Q days).  Now, it's a full day's workout...

The biggest surprise for me so far with my workouts - this one included - is my lack of endurance.  I started out strong and feeling really good, but about 1/2 way into the Mat work, I was spent and could hardly muster a scissor kick!  Hubby walked through the room while I was doing them - he had never seen it before as I usually retreat to the confines and privacy of the basement.  But, after childbirth all forms of both modesty and shame have been lost... he laughed and then told me to straighten my legs (bending them made it slightly easier and was the only way I could get through it).  This brings me to a few words on my Hubby's reaction to my body.

This is my third child - and I knew full and well what my body would be like after birth.  Now, I did to stay in a little better shape this time, but my postpartum body is hardly an item of beauty.  Rather, it is one deserving of respect for the simple fact that it just created and birthed a baby.

However, it was not Hubby's third - it was his first baby and first real experience with the joy of childbearing.  One day, I will feel up to posting on his reaction to the actual birth (he was a wonderful partner and coach BTW), but for now, his reaction to my PP bod caught me a little off guard.

I would like to believe that MOST men, after witnessing their woman go through such extreme discomfort and plain weirdness for an entire nine months - of growing a human being of their own flesh and blood - and then birthing it and enduring the pain of not only that event, but of the joyful afterpains for days - and nursing the child every 2 hours - would reassure their woman that to them (even if only them) she is still beautiful.


Ha! Not my hubby. 

I have craved his reassurance, but I am not reliant on it.  I know I will return one day to prepregnancy - and it will likely take longer and be much harder than I will like.  However, I have tried to hint to him that I desire some sort of compliment.  On several occasions, I have declared how I hate being so fat or said I can't wait to not be fat anymore... my husband says nothing in response... leading me to conclude that he too can't wait for me to not be fat -- which is fine, but I would appreciate his acknowledgment that it's ok to him that I'm not back to being where I was before just yet. 

Yesterday, after my run/walk, Hubby asked me how it went - after I went through it, he asked, "so you're trying to get back to being all svelte again?" That was the first time I had ever heard anyone use the word "svelte" in an actually conversation.  I looked at him strangely and said, "what?" as though I didn't really hear (because, honestly, I didn't know if that's really what he said."  He looked down and kind of shook his head.  I looked right at him and said, "Oh, you mean was I trying to be 'Not Fat' anymore?" He nodded and I explained that of course I didn't want to be fat, but that I had just had a baby two weeks ago and it would take a while."

Oh, why can't he just be loving and supportive? And, just tell me I'm beautiful.  The rest will come, Hubby, fear not - I shall not be flabby-bellied forever! LOL

So, I guess do I take his lack of anything nice or complimentary as motivation? No, because he should tell me I'm beautiful, because I am.  And, because I gave him a son. And, that too is very beautiful indeed. 

Despite living in a world sans compliments, I managed to find the motivation to not only complete my pilates workout (20) minutes, but at 9:15 in the evening realized I had 10 more minutes to go.  BB was fast asleep so I strapped on my tennies and pulled my hair back in a scrunchy and took BB to the basement.  I power-walked for 15 (5 more than required!) whilst he slept in his vibrating bouncy a few feet over.  I was energized afterward and happily marked off "Day 2" off my posted training calendar!

Babies are blessings, not burdens

I'm exactly two weeks postpartum today and as promised, there are belly pics (oh my).  As I was editing the file size in photoshop, I contemplated NOT posting these -- it really is a form of self torture!  But, I promised I would and no one is reading this blog anyhow, so it hurts no one, right???  Well, here it is (click on the image for a larger one IF YOU DARE...)  I'm rocking quite the gut and beer belly right now.  UGH!

There is also this official weigh in business and as promised here are my stats:


Prepregnancy Weight:  128 lbs (previously I was 124 for the wedding, but we'll aim for 128)
Highest Pregnancy Weight:  165 (probably a little higher, but that's about right)
Total Weight Gained:  37 lbs
Today's Weight:  145 lbs / 20 lbs lost / 17 lbs to go!

Today's biggest challenge is finding time for my XT session of 30 minutes.  I really want to ride my bike, but I don't have a helluva lotta time.  I have a hair appointment at 2:30 p.m. and Koko has to be at a girl scout thing across town at 5:30 and Lil Q to soccer at 6:30.  Ugh.  And, my mom was supposed to help me cart kids around, but I told her to forget it as she just couldn't find it in herself to provide any help or assistance to me without laying on a thick layer of guilt... oh well, it's her loss, right??? Besides, I've managed to do things on my own without her help through this point, I can surely continue.

Which brings me to an old saying of mine:  Babies aren't burdens.  They are blessings. 

Oh, how true it is.  I will likely just do some pilates and hopefully get out and walk again today to pick up Lil Q from her after school care.  Wish me luck - I need it!

First Day of Training - CHECK!

I had hoped to get out in the morning, but after a long night of BB not wanting to sleep or eat right, I slept in - as well as you can sleep in while lying on your side with your boob shoved in a baby's mouth.  It was nearly 10 when I rolled out of bed.  My Aunt K. was coming at 11, so there was no time for running or even primping.

After Aunt K. left, I tended to BB, ate lunch and wondered if my first day would be a bust.  Finally, the stars aligned, BB was sleeping and Hubby was in charge.  I quickly changed and headed out after strapping on my digital sports watch.

Walk 1/Jog 1 alternating for 20 minutes. No sweat, right?

I was pretty certain during that first 1 minute of jogging that I had started out my running program too easy.  At the one minute mark, I contemplated keeping up the pace, but decided to instead give my carefully crafted plan a full shot.

About 1/2 way through the session, I was trying to talk myself out of running at all - glancing at my watch every 10 steps to see if my minute was up.  At 15 minutes, it was all I could do to bury my head to the ground, grit my teeth and continue.  I was hot, out of breath and gasping for air. 

Finally, I made it to 20 minutes -- the last leg being both uphill and in the brutal afternoon sun (as brutal as the sun gets mid April).  I felt dehydrated and promised to drink more water before next time.  Regardless, I did it and I even walked as briskly as I could the remainder of the way (about 5-6 minutes).  Upon arrival, I pounded water.

I was pretty proud when I crossed through day one of training - my calendar of training is printed in full view on the front of the refrigerator as a constant reminder.  Tomorrow is a XT or Pilates day -- And also it is my first official weigh in day - -even though I cheated and started weighing early -- plus, my training began on day 13 - a day early too.  But, Mondays seem like good days to start, and for the unofficial record, I was 146 this morning.  18 to go.

Postpartum 5K Training Program

I officially start the training program on Monday -- which will be one week and six days -- not quite 2 weeks, but I like starting things on a Monday.  This program is one I came up with after looking at many on the internet.  I chose a 6-day a week plan because it really keeps me focused and I don't think it's too rigorous -- the off running days have me doing Pilates or walking -- not a big deal.  Of course, I plan to continue some strength training and will update those modifications to this blog as I go.

And, for the record, I have not registered for a 5K even thought it says I will be running one at the end of the program.  I may register for one, but I'm pretty motivated as is right now and don't want to over-pressure myself. 

Please feel free to use my easy 5K program -- I call it the Postpartum Return to Running Program :)  After I complete the program, my plan is to call up my friend Mel for a nice "long" Sunday run!!!  Just click on the image below for a larger one. 

Jogging Success

Yesterday marked my third consecutive day of getting in a brisk 30 minute jog -- quite the success for a new mom.  Yesterday also made it 10-days since I birthed little BB -- which made me think as I strolled through our neighborhood.  I've tried hard to remember where I was both in size and weight in comparison with Lil Q.  I really wish I would have journaled about it back then so I'd have a baseline to work from.  But, I didn't, so I'm trying to recollect my weight from my semi-photographic memory with little success.  I DO remember the day Lil Q was 10-days old - and I remember it well.  I graduated from college that day.  On day 9, I remember grabbing a few pairs of pants in the Sears clothing department to wear the next day.  I remember feeling big but not huge.  I remember I had been pulling weeds and tidying house in the week prior to get ready for my graduation party.  I don't remember the scale or exactly what size I bought -- although I do think it was a 10.

Yesterday, I went shopping again and this time it was with Hubby at Target.  He was helping me find sizes and I was looking for 8s.  He held up a pair and told me he just didn't think my butt was THAT big -- I took it as a compliment and grabbed a size 6.  At Target, you can only take 6 items into the dressing room with you at a time - requiring me to try on clothes and redress myself on 3 separate occasions.  A bit ridiculous, but I followed the rules.  I got in that dressing room (trying hard NOT to look at my body in the full length mirror) and pulled on those sixes -- they went over my butt and hips, but there was NO WAY they were being buttoned.  Defeat.  Suddenly Hubby's compliment felt more like an insult.  I told myself to buck it up - that I was ONLY 10 days postpartum and continued the self-torture of trying on more clothes.  I left Target with $150 worth of new clothes and lots of elastic. I ought to invest. 

With those thoughts in mind and the day quickly slipping away, getting in my walk was not only a necessity toward my stress relieving sanity, but really it was a requirement to reclaim my body.

I know I had indicated I would wait until two weeks postpartum to begin, but I felt reasonable good and wanted to try and with thoughts of "size 8" and the image of my body's reflection in that full length mirror fresh in my mind, I had lots of motivation.  Plus, I snuck out on my walk without BB in a stroller, giving me some extra freedom.

I started on my jog downhill to save myself.  I was super slow and low to the ground.  Throughout the short stint of it, I was uber aware of every tinge of my body, listening intently for a signal I should stop.  None came and I continued and it felt GREAT!!!

And, after returning, Hubby announced he was making an ice cream run -- I caved, but I deserved it, right??? So, I'm a little weak - ok, ALOT week as I had indulged on cookies already once that day.  But, I got on the scale and dropped weight again this morning - this time to 147.  I'm moving in the right direction -- 2 more lbs for my 2-week goal of 145.  I think I'll make it.

Exercise Update

It's a double post kinda day -- because although I'm frustrated at being stranded at home since BB's head cannot support itself in the carseat yet (requiring someone to sit in back and hold his little head in place while I drive), I did make some great progress I'd like to share as today I again walked -- this time for exactly 30 minutes and it felt really great.  I was breathing pretty heavy at the end and I kept a good pace pushing the stroller.  I even wore a waist band I bought from Walmart by Golds Gym ($10).  The waist cincher story is a story in itself for another post :)

Yesterday - Wednesday - I walked with him for about 25 minutes -- Hubby with the dog and me with the stroller.  I did have increased flow afterward and took it easy for a while -- other than that, all was well!

The Martyr

Since I've known Hubby, he has called me a Martyr... to him its a reference to me making things harder on myself when I could simply ask for help.  Let me assure you that I am not a martyr at all -- I'm just a woman who has been there and learned her lessons.  The painful truth is that no one will help you but you and that the only person you can ever rely on is yourself.

It's a sad notion -- and one that in my life, I've come to accept as a reality. When I don't, I am always disappointed.  And, that sucks.

Two days ago, I sent my mom a text asking her when she was going to come by and bring BB his baby present - a mobile.  I asked because I wanted her to come by, spend some time and help.  My fault was I didn't clearly communicate that need.  But, even today, as I called her on the phone to explain how I wanted a day of help from my mom with my new baby, she didn't get it -- and she listed a bunch of excuses as to why she couldn't... and then she told me to get help from my ex husband with his daughters...

And, it is for reasons like this I do not ask for help because I know, it is not really out there.

Weigh In!

I meant to post this yesterday, but time schedules with babies aren't exactly easy:

Prepregnancy:  128
At Delivery: 165
Today: 149
Weight Lost: 16
Pounds to go: 21

I've increased my ab workout -- of which I'm mostly doing exercises to target the transverse abdominals.  I'll write up descriptions soon.  That and a lot of keigels.  I don't look pregnant anymore, but I have a long, long way to go.   I'm really hoping that by 2 weeks postpartum I'm down to 145.  I think it's possible as I'm still a bit on the puffy side.

5 Days Postpartum - Energy Levels

My energy levels at the tail end of pregnancy were almost comical.  Getting around took so much output, I required a lot of downtown, but I was still fairly high functioning.  My levels even five days after giving birth are still so low - even in comparison.  I feel in some ways like I've been in a recent car wreck. 

I usually feel fine until after doing some light activity - and then it hits me all of a sudden.  Today, we were out of the house for an hour shopping at HyVee.  Yesterday, we were at the soccer fields and then my sister in laws.  In a few hours, we will be heading back out to the soccer fields, and I know that if I am going to make it, a short cat nap will be required.

With this low energy, I wonder when starting exercising again is really realistic.  I'm doing some light strength training on my transverse abdominal (lying single leg lifts and reverse crunches - 2 reps of 20 each).  It's not too hard, but it's not aerobic either.

(On a side note, the scale dropped to 151 today -- I know it's water weight, but it's still exciting to see that rapid of weight loss!)

Puffy face dilemma

Things are going wonderful with our new BB.  We got out this morning to Lil Q's soccer game.  It was our first family outing and Koko was a huge help.  It was a bit stressful, but overall, a great experience.  Afterward, we headed over to my sister in law's, which was near the soccer fields, to eat lunch and introduce the baby to its cousins.  Overall, a wonderful day -- especially since BB let me take a four hour nap upon our return home.

I know it's too soon to really concern myself with fitting into jeans, but I'm OCD, so I just go with it.  I am wearing some early maternity pants from the Gap which don't look like maternity at all.  They actually have a "normal" looking waist-line.  I'd highly recommend.  But, I do long for looking normal in and wearing my jeans -- I know it will be a long while, but I did fit into my biggest pair today!  They are ultra low rise from Charlotte Russe and size 9.  They have always been big and next week, I bet I will be able to wear them without looking ridiculous.  They might be the only pair, but that's moving in the right direction.

Most of my immediate issue right now involves Edema --- which is the swelling (I'll worry about the fat and toning in a few weeks).  I didn't want an IV during delivery because it really makes the swelling bad, but since I had to have one, am now very puffy - even more than just with the pregnancy. 

Here's a great article I found on helping hasten the process of your body eliminating its excess water and helping you feel "normal" again!  I will NOT be participating in water aerobics or fasting though.  I'm hungry and am petrified of a bathing suit right now!

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How to Reduce Swelling (Edema) Quickly After Pregnancy

By Laura Schofield, http://www.ehow.com/how_4471050_swelling-edema-quickly-after-pregnancy.html

During pregnancy women get big. Big bellies, big ankles, sometimes even our feet and entire legs get swollen to unusual proportions! After giving birth, we long to fit back into our pre-pregnancy clothing and shoes. Our bodies need time to get rid of all of the retained fluids though. This bloating is referred to as edema and will naturally right itself eventually. What if we'd like to hurry the process up though?

I gave birth to my fourth child 3 days ago. Hoping to enjoy the last days of summer after a difficult pregnancy, my ankles and legs are swollen to embarrassing proportions. This situation has inspired me to write on reducing post-pregnancy swelling as I research the topic myself.

Pregnancy doesn't always cause swelling. This is the first time I've been afflicted with it (and I got it bad). When you are swollen, here is what you can do.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Swollen body parts due to a pregnancy. (LOL - check!!!) 
• A desire to reduce your swelling.
• Lots of water
• Maternity Support Hose
• Comfortable Shoes
• Fresh fruits and vegetables
• A bath tub
• Access to a swimming pool

1. 
   
   
   Step 1: Drink lots of water. Oddly enough, this will help your body retain less fluids as well as discourage muscle cramps in the legs (another joy of pregnancy).
2. 
   
   
   Step 2: Eat well and avoid junk food. Eat a balanced diet and avoid food high in salt (salt encourages bloating). Raw fruits and vegetables are especially recommended to reduce your edema.
3. 
   
   
   Step 3: Get mild exercise. Even though it is recommended that you "stay off your feet", mild exercise is important for reducing edema or swelling. Go walking, practice yoga, do stretches.
4. 
   
   
   Step 4: When sitting, prop your feet up on a stack of books or foot stool.
5. 
   
   
   Step 5: Elevate your feet throughout the day. If at all possible, lay on your left side for periods throughout the day. Because the vena cava is located on the right side of your body and is responsible for a lot of the swelling, you don't want to further compromise it by laying on it.
6. 
   
   
   Step 6: While sitting, occasionally wiggle your toes around and circle your feet from the ankles. You can also point and flex your feet if you are able to.
7. 
   
   
   Step 7: If sitting or standing for extended periods of time, take a break to walk around, lie down or just stretch your legs.
8. 
   
   
   Step 8: Wear support hose, particularly maternity support hose. Avoid stockings or socks with restrictive bands around the ankles or legs.
9. 
   
   
   Step 9: At night, keep your feet elevated. You can also put ice packs on your feet to make them more comfortable.
10. 
    
    
    Step 10: Go swimming or participate in water aerobics.  This will allow you to get mild exercise easier, which reduces your edema. It is also refreshing to be able to move your knees and ankles without strain - even if only while you're in the water!
11. 
    
    
    Step 11: Take several hot baths or saunas during the week. Do not do this if you are still pregnant however, as you don't want to overheat and risk damaging your unborn child. Use your bath time to stretch your muscles, pointing and flexing your feet.
12. 
    
    
    Step 12: Ensure you are getting plenty of the following vitamins and minerals: vitamin B complex (reduces water retention), vitamin C with bioflavonoids (improves adrenal function), calcium - magnesium - zinc complex (replaces minerals lost through fighting edema), kelp (improves thyroid function), bromelain (aids digestion and metabolism), vitamin E (aids circulation), potassium (helps keep body fluids in cell walls).
13. 
    
    
    Step 13: If you have already given birth, you may follow a fasting program to flush excess water from your tissues. You may wish to consult your doctor before doing this if you are nursing your child.

3 days Postpartum

(pssst... yes, I did it - I stepped on the scale)

I'm not sure my exact highest point of weight at home because I hadn't been on the scale for a while and it varies from the one at the doctor by a few pounds for clothes and because I weigh in the morning.  Here's where I am 3 days after having BB:

Pre-pregnancy Weight:  128 lbs
Weight at Delivery:  165
Total Weight Gained:  37 lbs
3 days after delivery: 155 lbs
Weight lost: 10lbs; 27 lbs to go

I'm not thrilled about it, but I also know I had a LOT of IV fluid and am really puffy.  You have to start somewhere :)  My breasts are pretty engorged right now too.  I'm BFing and my milk is clearly coming in!

He's HERE!!!

My son (affectionately known to this blog as BB) arrived after quite the adventurous labor on Tuesday, April 6, 2010.  He weighed 7 lbs and 7oz and is 20 inches long and PERFECT!  We haven't stopped smiling.

My water broke in the parking lot of Econoprint and soon after, we were off to the hospital.  Unfortunately, my labor didn't start up and after walking 10 miles in the halls of the hospital and experiencing a lot of frustration, we started pitocin at 2 a.m.  I was determined to go natural, but ended up taking a few doses of staydol to help me rest up before the pitocin really kicked in.

When it kicked in, it did hard!  Apparently, BB was lying transverse and it caused me horrible back labor.  It was unreal.  They had to turn him so he could finally be born -- causing me to rethink my position on natural childbirth.  Thankfully, this is the last one, so I shouldn't have to worry about it again.

We all made it out alive and finally got some rest.  We came home late Wednesday and the girl joined us after school on Thursday.  My family feels complete. Hubby is so overjoyed at being a father.  And, the girls are adjusting well -- overly eager to help.

Unrealistic Expectations

I'm writing this post BEFORE I begin my weight loss journey to divulge a little secret of mine.  I have unrealistic expectations about my post baby body.  I have been online window shopping for new clothes and even swimwear.  After two previous journeys of similar nature, you would think I might pull my head out of the clouds and realize what will be reality -- that I'll be chunky until at least October.  But, let me show you my cousin -- whom I love madly.  She's the sweetest girl ever.  She and her two skinny mini gorgeous model sisters give me (false) hope!!! Her older sister Kate bounced back just like she did to super model form after birth, but I don't have any pics of her handy -- and I'm sure the youngest (who is also a complete knock out) will experience similar luck due to this family's apparent superior genetics (we're related... how did I miss out???).

I love you Joy -- but I'm insanely jealous - her pic was taken at 3 weeks postpartum.

Impatience is NOT a virtue!

Patience is something everyone woman who is 36 plus weeks pregnant lacks.  Every stomach twinge or cramp causes her to take pause and glance at a nearby clock.  After months of being sedentary, she has the spontaneous urge for long walks.  She demands spicy cuisine, eggplant Parmesan and romaine and vinegar.  Every wipe in the bathroom is followed with a quick glance for a mucus plus -- and once embarrassing incontinence is almost welcomed with a glimmer of hope -- what if.... ???

The ninth month.   90 percent of my maternity wear is too small.  I asked my eldest to tie my shoes yesterday and I had to sit and catch my breath after climbing a short flight of stairs.

It's no wonder we cling to the hope that sex and semen's minimal percentages of natural pitocin or raspberry leaf tea will be the miracle cure.  We know that labor is long and painful, but at this point, it's inevitable and we crave the ending of one form of discomfort for a larger one.

To Sweep or Not to Sweep

That WAS the question.  About a week ago, my midwife offered to do a procedure called a membrane sweep or stripping of the membranes for this week's appointment.  Although this procedure is fairly common place and this is my third pregnancy, I have not ever had it done - to my knowledge (sometimes OBs and midwives have been known to perform it without asking first). 

There were only a few moments where I considered NOT having it done, and mostly it was because jump-starting the labor would mean I might not get all of my work assignments done like I had hoped.  But, I chose to do it anyhow because when you get to week 38 you start feeling like you will be pregnant for the rest of your life.... :)

For those of you unsure, here's the quick definition of a membrane sweep:  Membrane sweeping is done by your midwife or doctor. While internally examining you, she will simply "sweep" a finger around your cervix (neck of your womb). The aim is to separate the membranes around your baby from your cervix. This releases hormones called prostaglandins, which may kick-start your labour.

I read this online and my midwife assured me it was basically like a rigorous exam and that it would be uncomfortable.  My opinion -- well, it was uncomfortable and while I envisioned it take a couple of seconds, I swear she was digging around in there for a few minutes.  It didn't feel good and I was tense -- I was probably more tense because I was certain at some point I'd experience sharp, unbearable pains - that didn't ever happen.  When she removed her glove, it was bloody.

Immediately after the exam, she got me a panty-liner.  And, I started to get up, but I felt awful - physically like I had been assaulted.  My husband had accompanied me to my exam and I was trying to get my panties on - he told me to stop and take a minute.  I could hardly stand or walk on my own.  It wasn't sharp pains, but more like some of the worst period cramps in my life.  The worst part for me was that it was 9am and I had to be at work.  I sat in my office chair all day cramping like that.  I didn't even get up to eat lunch because moving made it worse.  Finally, around 3 pm I had enough and left for the day.

I slept once I got home and continued cramping and spotting that night.  The next day, I still had lots of spotting, but it turned brownish and more mucusy.  It was gross.  I had to change my panties once and another time it was so bad I had to change my sweat pants too.  But, I got out and did my Easter shopping finished as it was Good Friday and I was worried I might not have another chance. 

The shopping got some contractions going and when I got home, I started tidying up details and picking up our bedroom, finishing laundry, etc... just in case.  Sadly, my labor contractions dissipated as the evening went on.  I was disappointed. 

And, as I laid in bed this morning I asked my husband if I still haven't had the baby by next Friday (39 weeks 3 days) if he thinks I should do the sweep again -- he said yes.  And, I have to agree.  Because you have to feel like you're doing something. 

Good Article to Share!

In prepping for the upcoming diet and exercise after little BB is born, I've been searching the internet to come up with my "plan of attack."  I'm not going to use anything gimmicky -- just hard core common sense and a promise to be honest about it on this blog. Oh, and I am going to wrap my belly and bind my hips... but that's as gimmicky as it will get.  Not sure if that will help... but...

Anyhow, I found this article and thought it was worth sharing.  Nothing earth-shattering, but good food for thought.  I've only shared some of it as I was having formatting issues, but it's interesting how some women lose NO weight and I've heard of others actually gaining after they've come home -- yes, these women actually weighed more after birthing an 8 pound child, placenta and losing all amniotic fluid -- how depressing!! Basically, it all has to do with fluid retention, and when we're pumped full of IV fluid through a long labor, I guess we shouldn't be surprised...
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How to Lose Weight after Pregnancy

Source:  http://pregnancychildbirth.suite101.com/article.cfm/how_to_lose_weight_after_pregnancy

1. Drink at least 10-12 glasses of water every day. Replace your high sugar beverages such as sodas and juices with some water and a squeeze of fresh lemon. You could also try flavored seltzer water which has no calories. You can cut out hundreds of calories a day this way.
2. Keep healthy snacks handy such as raisins, popcorn, wheat crackers, and nuts. Refuse to buy store-bought baked goods or junk food.
3. Eat lean meats such as boneless chicken and the leanest cuts of beef.
4. Eat whole grains (breads, cereals, pastas) instead of the "white" versions
5. Don't be fooled by foods that are labeled as nonfat. Some are loaded with calories and can have hydrogenated vegetable oils and/or high fructose corn syrup, neither of which are healthy. Read your labels!
6. Resist the urge to indulge in a fast food meal. Or if you do, order the salad and not the fat-filled burgers and fries.
7. As soon as you feel ready, start light exercise. Weather-permitting, take a 10 minute walk with the baby every day and slowly increase your time to 20 minutes per day. Babies can be worn in a snugli or sling or you can use a baby jogger or stroller when they get too heavy. Even better, walk at a regular time with a friend.
8. Find easy ways to increase your exercise like parking farther away or using stairs instead of elevators.
9. Breastfeeding uses up your fat stores! Breastfeeding burns about 500 calories per day so the longer you breastfeed, the more calories you burn.
10. Consider joining a gym and trade babysitting hours with a friend so when you each go to do your workout, the other can watch the babies. Some gyms may offer babysitting services as well.

Just remember it took 9 months to gain the weight; give yourself at least that long to take it off. I am not a fan of completely avoiding or drastically reducing food groups such as the popular diets of limiting carbs or sugars. I believe the more you deprive yourself of an occasional treat, the more you will crave it.