It's a two post kinda day as I have to update with my workout.
The biggest surprise for me so far with my workouts - this one included - is my lack of endurance. I started out strong and feeling really good, but about 1/2 way into the Mat work, I was spent and could hardly muster a scissor kick! Hubby walked through the room while I was doing them - he had never seen it before as I usually retreat to the confines and privacy of the basement. But, after childbirth all forms of both modesty and shame have been lost... he laughed and then told me to straighten my legs (bending them made it slightly easier and was the only way I could get through it). This brings me to a few words on my Hubby's reaction to my body.
This is my third child - and I knew full and well what my body would be like after birth. Now, I did to stay in a little better shape this time, but my postpartum body is hardly an item of beauty. Rather, it is one deserving of respect for the simple fact that it just created and birthed a baby.
However, it was not Hubby's third - it was his first baby and first real experience with the joy of childbearing. One day, I will feel up to posting on his reaction to the actual birth (he was a wonderful partner and coach BTW), but for now, his reaction to my PP bod caught me a little off guard.
I would like to believe that MOST men, after witnessing their woman go through such extreme discomfort and plain weirdness for an entire nine months - of growing a human being of their own flesh and blood - and then birthing it and enduring the pain of not only that event, but of the joyful afterpains for days - and nursing the child every 2 hours - would reassure their woman that to them (even if only them) she is still beautiful.
Ha! Not my hubby.
I have craved his reassurance, but I am not reliant on it. I know I will return one day to prepregnancy - and it will likely take longer and be much harder than I will like. However, I have tried to hint to him that I desire some sort of compliment. On several occasions, I have declared how I hate being so fat or said I can't wait to not be fat anymore... my husband says nothing in response... leading me to conclude that he too can't wait for me to not be fat -- which is fine, but I would appreciate his acknowledgment that it's ok to him that I'm not back to being where I was before just yet.
Yesterday, after my run/walk, Hubby asked me how it went - after I went through it, he asked, "so you're trying to get back to being all svelte again?" That was the first time I had ever heard anyone use the word "svelte" in an actually conversation. I looked at him strangely and said, "what?" as though I didn't really hear (because, honestly, I didn't know if that's really what he said." He looked down and kind of shook his head. I looked right at him and said, "Oh, you mean was I trying to be 'Not Fat' anymore?" He nodded and I explained that of course I didn't want to be fat, but that I had just had a baby two weeks ago and it would take a while."
Oh, why can't he just be loving and supportive? And, just tell me I'm beautiful. The rest will come, Hubby, fear not - I shall not be flabby-bellied forever! LOL
So, I guess do I take his lack of anything nice or complimentary as motivation? No, because he should tell me I'm beautiful, because I am. And, because I gave him a son. And, that too is very beautiful indeed.
Despite living in a world sans compliments, I managed to find the motivation to not only complete my pilates workout (20) minutes, but at 9:15 in the evening realized I had 10 more minutes to go. BB was fast asleep so I strapped on my tennies and pulled my hair back in a scrunchy and took BB to the basement. I power-walked for 15 (5 more than required!) whilst he slept in his vibrating bouncy a few feet over. I was energized afterward and happily marked off "Day 2" off my posted training calendar!
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