Memorial Day Blues

Too funny - I started writing this post to rant about memorial day -- the swimwear and pool attire, alcohol and other and junk food -- and how I was so sure it would be no fun for me.  The post was left opened and titled and I'm not ashamed to admit when (occasionally) I am wrong.

It was so great to hang with friends (both old and new).  It felt good for Matt and I to be out - with the baby - and to start living our life as a family.  And, it felt good to drink beer - even though I limited myself to 3 beers over the course of over 7 hours :)  It was great - and the best part was learning that a very good friend of mine is pregnant! And, she's using me, my weight loss and this very blog as inspiration.  Maybe she should write a pregnancy journey blog.  I wish I had done that very thing - recorded my thoughts and frustrations and ranted and raved and then also poured my wishes and desires onto a record of sorts for my new little guy.  Pregnancy is amazing - it's also hard on a woman emotionally and physically in ways men just can't understand - but it affects everyone in the family.  I'm glad it's reached its end and that we have B.B. to hold in our arms - I hope it made us stronger - only time will really tell.

Memorial Day was great.  Another day closer to feeling normal again.

In regard to my weight loss - which is really what this blog is about - it's going very well!  I'm down to about 11lbs according to my home scale (and NO, I haven't bought a new one yet...).  I think I figured out the error of my ways and why it wasn't working properly.  Two days ago, I weighed in at 139! Which is exciting - the only frustrating part is I'm STILL not fitting into my pants.  The biggest problem is my waist line - it's still too  big to accommodate most of my pants.  And, I did try my one piece on - I can't even fit into the damn thing yet.  Ok, that's a complete lie.  I CAN fit into it, but it's actually a tankini and my fat splurges out through the center seam.  Ahhh... maybe by Independence Day... that's what I'm shooting for!

Slow Progress

Picture of my face - still puffy fat, but not AS fat - at an event last Thursday evening.  And, Yes, I'm wearing the same outfit as the previous pic because it's the only nice outfit that fits at the moment. 


And, no, it's not nice to use my pics from the day after childbirth to compare it... but it does show good progress!

Confused

Last week, I lost 2 lbs and I was pretty certain when I walked in I might gain - so, I cheated.  I weighed before my morning breakfast.  Even with the so called cheating, I was surprised when I saw the results - because while I thought I might hold steady or lose an ounce or two at best, I didn't expect 2 pounds!

This week was pretty much the same story, but I couldn't "cheat" again and decided to go in and face the music.

I lost another pound and a half.

Are you confused? Well, I am.  I was really disciplined yesterday and stayed around 1500 calories.  I got back on my ol' home scale again today and it still showed no progress... making me wonder if my scale is unreliable.  Maybe - after all, I've had it for 8 or 9 years and it isn't digital.

Now, on to the online shopping quest for a new scale.   And, I would like to note how awesome it truly is that I lost weight, but that my scale was broken -- I wish that were always the case... :)

Banana Smoothie

I'm usually a chocolate girl, but today, made a banana smoothie for breakfast.  All I can say is YUM!

2 Scoops Vanilla Shake Powder
1 Tablespoon Protein Powder
1/2 Banana
1 Cap of Banana Extract (Imitation)
1 Packet of Splenda
1 Cup Skim Milk
8oz Ice Cubes

I put the milk in the blender first and then add all the rest aside from ice - blend it and then blend it with the ice.  It's delicious!

Despite feeling crappy yesterday from that AWFUL pic (reminding myself that I have had awful pics while skinny too...), I did feel great at the AWC event - it was a wine tasting and yes, I probably should have passed on the wine, but I didn't - we also didn't have but a drink of each wine so I only had maybe a glass and a 1/2 (MAYBE).  Everyone was  so wonderfully encouraging - and complimentary about my skinny jeans I wore - which really helped re-motivate me.  Can wait until I'm back in my REALLY skinny jeans!!! LOL

I weighed in on the home scale this morning, and here's my stats:
HOME SCALE
Prepregnancy Weight:  128
Highest Pregnancy Weight:   165 (although I don't know - it might have been higher!)
Weight Gained:  37lbs
Current Weight:  141lbs
Weight Lost:  24lbs
Pounds to go:  13lbs!

Self esteem - Self Destruct

Feeling pretty good about myself until this picture surfaces on Facebook... why God?  WHY?  This was taken just this last Sunday at my nephew's graduation party.  Seriously.

Me VS Denim

And I'm winning the battle of the jeans.  Yesterday, I zipped up another pair! And, it looked pretty damn good too... that puts me into THREE pairs of my old jeans plus a new pair I bought!!! Woo hoo!!

DOWN 2!?

I can't believe it, but I'm down 2 more lbs!!! Putting the total for the weight loss challenge at 4.2 lbs lost.  I weighed in at 147.6 and am super thrilled.  I also bought some protein powder while I was there to add to my shakes.

That puts me at 2.8% lost!

Weight UNKNOWN?!

It's MONDAY - official challenge weigh in day and I have no idea what I weigh - every morning (except today) I have jumped on the scale.  But, after 2 all day graduation celebrations and Hubby making me shrimp scampi and buttered artichoke hearts on Saturday night (I love him AND I hate him!!!), I'm really nervous.  Since there's nothing I can do at this point but face the music, I'm going in blind and crossing my fingers.

I WAS down a pound earlier in the week... let's hope it holds and I don't gain!

That said, it has been super hard this weekend and I know I'm going to have to do a lot more to master the parties because in the summer, they are like every weekend -- and usually there are swimsuits (GASP!) involved.  I didn't feel like I overate yesterday, but I have the "I ate too much sodium puffy face" today.  Yuck!  The odd thing is that I DID drink water, but just not enough to compensate for all the grab and go quick foods (potato chips, deli meats...).

I'll update my progress after I weigh in.

Tools to SUCCESS

I've been relying on a free online calorie counter like an absolute crutch to keep me honest and accountable this past week and a half.  www.fitday.com.

I've been on Fit Day for 5 years now, but moved away from it when I found www.Sparkpeople.com (a free counter and weight loss community).  The problem with Sparkpeople is that it can be pretty complicated and can take up a lot of your time -- of course, you don't have to go to all the forums or read all the articles, but I did.  Sometimes I found it helped keep me focused, but I can't say I learned much of anything.  I should have been a dietician because I've pretty much read every opinion, concept, fact or study out there when it comes to nutrition and weight loss.  It's like crack for me and I'm a total junkie.

Fit Day is basic without all the fluff and these days, with the baby, I don't have time for fluff, so it fits good with my lifestyle.  You can track your calories and easily add recent food items.  It doesn't have as many name brand items, so I find myself entering a lot of items into the Custom Foods section, but once you get your basics in (admit it, you eat the same foods over and over again...), it's not hard to keep it up.  It doesn't have a water counter, but with my big 32 ounce jug I got from the hospital, I actually do pretty good with that.  It will tell you your approximate RMR and does some great analyyics and graphs - including the ever-important calories in versus calories expended.  It also estimates how many calories you should cut/burn to lose your goal weight - and it even warns you if you goal exceeds recommended safety guidelines.

The site is free, but there is also a premium version and a PC version which can sync online so you can still maintain accurate counts anywhere.  Not sure if there is an iPhone app yet, but if there isn't, one has to be in development. 

As I got on the home scale this morning and stared at 141 (wooo hooo!) I did a little dance and thought since I've had some successes, it's time I started sharing my "Tools to Success!"

The MYTH of the naturally skinny woman

I'm not dogging on fat people here - especially since I'm currently one of them -- but I remember hearing this many times over during my days as a Jenny Craig weight loss counselor -- "What do YOU know about weight loss, you're one of those Naturally Skinny People."  The statement was accusatory (that I didn't know anything about my job) and the way they would say "Naturally Skinny People," was similar to how a typical person 100 years ago might say something about one who had Leprosy... like it was a disease and a disgusting one at that. Honestly, wouldn't those clients WANT to catch that disease (if indeed it were one...).  But, through my years as a human - sometimes a skinny one, sometimes a fat one, here's a truth I have come to accept:

THERE ARE NO NATURALLY SKINNY WOMEN OVER AGE 25!

As a formerly accused NSP (Naturally Skinny Person) who has known many accused NSPs I can tell you I cannot think of a single woman I have met at my age (and even a tad younger) who is skinny and doesn't have to work at it.  I know for many overweight people out there, this is a difficult concept to understand.  Some think there is a magical gene the Skinny folk have making them a naturally fat repellent - incapable of falling victim to late night munchies, salt cravings and chocolate attacks.  Well, it JUST AIN'T SO!

Even while maintaining a low weight for a long stretch of years combined with regular exercise, I have always had a vicious cycle of carefully calculating every morsel into my mouth followed by complete overindulgence and weight gain and back again to detailing every calorie in versus every calorie out.

The simple fact is that the supposed NSPs have less wiggle room when it comes to their caloric intake.  For example, my resting metabolic rate at my current weight (149) is approximately 1412 calories a day (not taking activity or breastfeeding into account).  For my same height and age at my previous weight, my caloric requirements to maintain my weight drop significantly -- to maintain a weight of 125, I need about 1186 calories.  Imagine, having to live every single day off of less thank 1200 calories?  It's possible (difficult, but possible) and add in some exercise to boost the caloric requirements and it's a livable lifestyle.

Case in point? In today's quick food world centered around food, indulgence and gluttony, there are NO NSPs at our age.  Instead of blaming genetics, it's time to jump on the treadmill and start monitoring intake.  Less in and more out is the only way to weight loss.

Now that this tangent is over, I would like to also share that I'm down an additional pound this morning!  Can't wait to see the results at my official weigh in next Monday.

Yesterday's success + today's commitment = tomorrow's victory

I was pretty pumped after yesterday's weigh in... and even though it's counter productive, I did splurge a tad to celebrate - I bought the chili and lime flavored almonds (I know... not really splurging), ate an extra taco at dinner and enjoyed the last of the Daddy Cakes (which we really took too long to eat - they were getting tad stale).

I THINK I might even be able to win - last time the prize was $900 for first and the winner lost 15 % of his bodyweight.  I've lost 1.4% in the first week.  If I lose 20 lbs, I'll be at 13.2% lost - and that's in contention.  If I lose just 2 lbs more, it boosts me to 14.5%.  Even if I don't win and only lose 12 lbs, I'll still be happy I'm on my way, but in my mind, I'm already at a shopping trip at Dillards!!!

I'm positive, focused and motivated -- and on my way to returning to my pre-pregnancy physique!

OH... Ya...

143 POUNDS! I can't believe I'm so excited about that number, but after sitting in the same spot (and even creeping up a bit to 146), I'm ecstatic to see progress at last!  Maybe this program (of which I have modified after all to allow MORE calories for breastfeeding) will help keep me in line!  It's definitely steered my choices into making the better option.  And, it's paid off by nearly 3 lbs.

I think I actually go into the challenge and weigh tonight, but I'm not sure and the weather is downright scary.  I will call and see what they want me to do.  If the challenge requires me to weigh in, I won't if there is a threat of tornadoes (severe weather seems imminent tonight). 

Now, I DO need to get back with my exercise - and I will.  I love running (and I hate it too), but it can wait if I'm actually losing.

The other question is - do I think the Herbalife Shakes are helping me lose weight - I'd have to say both Yes and No.  Yes, because I invested dollars into them and therefor committed myself.  No, because I know I could do it still without them, but I was lacking motivation and commitment and Yes because I'm competitive, a sucker for a good challenge and deal and because being kept accountable does help.  It helps a GREAT DEAL.  I've been on the other end of the accountability before - at Jenny Craig I weighed in others.  But, now that I'm on this end, I do feel added pressure do get results.  The last thing I want is to go into the center and NOT lose weight (and have to pay a dollar - only a dollar, but it's the whole fact you are getting penalized).


My Current Stats (Home Scale):
Preprego Weight:  128
Prego Weight:  165
Current Weight:  143
Pounds Lost:  22
Pounds to go:  15 (I would like to add that IDEALLY, I would like to get back to 122... so, if the weight loss goes well, the pounds to go might change)

One half of a pound... maybe

Maybe it was a fluke or I couldn't quite see straight... but the scale was KIND this morning!  It showed me down a 1/2 pound, which is damn good because I'm friggin ravenous!! LOL.  I'm still not getting my exercise in - I am SO exhausted with Hubby traveling.  Between that and just keeping up on things, I wonder if it's not impossible without a bit extra help.  He comes home sometime this afternoon (hallelujah!).  I will likely throw the baby at him as he walks in the door and crash right where I'm at.  Seriously, I'm THAT tired.  After the joys of the night before (only up at 1:50 am), last night was horrendous and I was up I think every single hour.  I'm also aging by three times as fast as a direct result.  Ugh!

The best news is that it's Friday, but along with Friday comes the weekend and with the weekend are a few unique challenges.


First Friday - tonight is the art walk and I really want to get this little guy out and stroll for some social time.  First Friday means lots of appetizers (and wine).  So, if I go, I'm going to have to be extra careful.

Lil Q's Birthday - Party is Saturday at the Skating Rink and I'm picking up Daddy Cakes (the best damn bakery in Topeka) for the celebration -- and yes, I ordered  them long before I started this program.

Mother's Day - It's Sunday and there is a Mother's Day brunch Hubby and all the kids and I are going to on Sunday - I think I'll be having Quiche or a Breakfast Casserole.  I'll have to be on my best behavior because I think Monday is weigh in day.  If I'm not down, I'll be paying a buck.

A new plan

I'm very frustrated.  Hubby's traveling now, which will  become the norm, and I can't get my exercise in! Until baby is 6 weeks and can go to the nursery at the gym, I'm at his mercy.  I think, to help, I'm going to see if the lovely lady across the street wouldn't mind keeping an eye on him a few times a week when Hubby's traveling.  She watches her granddaughter (4) on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and they seem really excited about the baby. 

Yesterday was Lil' Q's 6th birthday!  And, I managed to somewhat follow my new diet plan.  I  made and ate my first shake for breakfast and got Subway for lunch (I brought Lil Q Subway to school and ate with her for her special day). After that, I splurged on a few snacks after getting shake supplies at the store - apples with reduced fat PB, low fat string cheese... nothing bad, but it tipped me higher than I would have liked.  Especially since my mom came out and we had cake and ice cream.  I kept portions small, and think I ended under 1800 (hard to calculate exact). But, it wasn't great because I didn't get my water and I wasn't down again this morning.

Today, I plan to at least get a stroller walk in.  Can't wait until he big enough to get into the running stroller!  Walking is better than nothing, and maybe I can squeeze a Pilates tape in too -- I hate falling behind, but this will have to do for now.

New HOPE

I admit it, my frustration was overtaking my motivation... which started out soaring.  After two weeks and seeing zero progress on the scale (WTF!!!???), I decided to call in some experts.  Yesterday, I went to an informational meeting for an Herbalife sponsored Weight Loss Challenge -- and yes, their are cash prizes, but I'm focused right now on the great benefits which include:

1. Accountability - it's a must.  If I have to weigh in to someone else (even though I DO post it here), it's face to face and it will keep me more focused.
2. Penalties - if I gain weight or miss a weigh in, I owe a buck.  If I don't record my meals through journals, I owe 50 cents.  
3. Nutritionist - actually, this was more helpful than I thought.  It's a higher protein plan with the shakes, and I'm glad to have professional support to help me stay on focused.  I give her much more credibility than a simple sales person (like I was at Jenny Craig)
4. Information - they did the WHOLE workup on me - from body fat to my resting metabolic rate (which was SO SURPRISING!).  Now, I know why I'm not losing.  I'll post my stats from the visit below.

The challenge itself lasts 12-weeks, and while I am not going to do anything like a fad diet, and yes, this one does involve shakes, I think all considered, it will be helpful for me.  I'm hoping to at least lose 10 lbs through the challenge.

My home weigh in basically didn't move - 146.  My weigh in at the challenge was 151.6 (BLEK).  My goal for the week is to weigh in under 150 next week at the challenge -- meaning I need a 2 lb weight loss.  It's so doable.


Here are a few of my other stats:

• 36.6 percent body fat (haven't seen it that high since... after Koko was born!)
• 36 inch waist (to be figured since nothing has shrunk back yet)
• 1410 Resting Metabolic Rate - yes, this includes the breastfeeding.  She said I have a slow metabolism, and the 1800 calories typically assigned from places like Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers for Breastfeeding Mom's is just an arbitrary number not tied to your individual metabolism... interesting... isn't it? No wonder I wasn't losing at the 1800-2,000 calorie range.  The problem is I'm going to be SO HUNGRY at first!  But, let's give this a shot at 1300 calories - I'll monitor my milk production and detail any issues in this blog. I'm also supposed to get 117 Grams of Protein a day... don't know how that will work, but I'll try.

I will say the nutritionist wasn't too supportive of my goal weight - 125... but I know I can get there.  Maybe it just sounds low?  Oh well, it's still my number regardless.  Shit, I weighed 117 when I worked at Jenny Craig - and that was WITH clothes!  I'm not trying to be that low - and for me, 125 is very reasonable.

EXERCISE UPDATES - I kinda blew it yesterday.  Matt got a little frustrated with me as I waited until 7:45 to go on my run, so I didn't do it after all.  Today, I had hoped to play makeup, but all I got in thus far was a 30 minute brisk walk with the stroller.  Other running attempts fell short.  Hope to get some Pilates in too.  Tomorrow, I'm going to continue with my Wednesday plan to run 10 and walk 10... oh boy!

Hmmmm... no posts for a weekend

I took a double weekend rest day -- and I so needed it!  I think some of that high end motivation has dwindled, and now it's just me and my determination left over.  No worries -- I got plenty of determination.  I won't miss a run day, and I justified it yesterday with the yard work  I did as a trade for my cross training.  The yard is looking pretty sweet thanks to having a few hired hands one day and a lot of grunt work from hubby and I on those that followed.  Looks good.

Now, my weight... not so good.  I'm really disappointed as I weighed myself earlier in the week (the day AFTER we enjoyed baby back ribs) to find myself actually UP 2 lbs.  I am sure it was too much salt and water retention, but between that salt and the extra salt from a fish fry yesterday, I'm sure to be more displeased come my official weigh in tomorrow.  All week, I had a feeling I would end up with a nutrition plan to start of my Tuesday.  I don't WANT to diet, and it's gonna be hard as I'm really hungry with nursing (and I CRAVE sugar like mad), but, it has to be done. 

And, yes, I'm still nursing.  Little man got 6 ounces of formula yesterday and he's almost one month old.  On Thursday, I'm going to up his formula intake and start the weaning process in higher gear.  I can't just stop.  Ouch! But, I will wean him.  Maybe as soon as the 6-week mark.  I'd like to be through with it and have normal boobs and do normal dieting again.  Selfish?  No way.  If it is good for me, it's good for my baby, and sanity of the mother is of highest priority.

Today is a run day.  I hope I can get outside.  Hubby left for his first overnight last night but is home this afternoon (although gone again Wednesday - Lil' Q's Bday! - through Friday).  Today, I'm to run 4/walk 1.  Wednesday is a tough one.  I'm nervous and yet excited -- I'll be up to a 5K run in NO TIME.  Just wish the weight would peel off as quickly as I'm building endurance and stamina...

That said, I'm checking into some support options - maybe the Daily Shake Nutrition Center -- it worked wonders for my good friend Cydney, and a little support and motivation never hurt anyone.