Recalled

I saved nearly every major piece of baby gear from Quincy with the hopes I would one day pass it forward to my sister... little did I know I would end up using it again.  I have found that nearly everything I saved has been recalled - and in searching for new straps for the high chair found a recall for it too:  http://www.consumeraffairs.com/recalls/cosco_hi.html

Apparently, the damn chair comes dislodged from the base and falls - I could have told them that before it made it to the market.  Do they not test their equipment before stocking the shelves of every Babies R Us?  I made it through Quincy with this thing and I knew it was quirky then - I just adjust as always, but I will consider purchasing a new one.  Knowing their is a recall somehow kicks mama guilt into gear.  That's why I have a brand new crib, mattress, infant car seat and stroller.  I didn't even look up the bassinet, but I'm sure it was a recall too...

Thanking the past

Today, I did something I had been meaning to get around to for nearly a decade.  I thanked a woman who was instrumental in giving me the gentle push to turn my life around.  I didn't know her name, but I knew what her job was 10 years ago, so, on a hope and a prayer, I emailed the following letter to the directors of the Adult Education Program of USD 501 - which is now housed at WU Institute of Technology (then it was Kaw Area Technical School). 

My letter of thanks: 

Dear Mary Ann and Melissa,

I wanted to write you both an email to share my story with you because someone in your office changed my life 10 years ago. 

I had dropped out of high school at age 17 after dealing with a series of tragedies in my life.  I ran away from home from nearby Mayetta Kansas - to a place very far away - in Tennessee along with a friend who was reporting to her military post in that state.  I lived in Tennessee for three years and during that time, got married and had a beautiful baby girl.

After my then husband's military service ended, I somehow convinced him to move to Kansas.  I found employment waiting tables as at the Holiday Inn restaurant. It was a tough life with our daughter. 

The fact that I didn't have my high school diploma weighed heavily on my conscious.  I had been an A student through the course of my life and I felt a sense of longing to finish what I had started.  In the Spring of 2000, filled with angst, I walked through the doors of your Adult Education Center to take a pre-test.  My scores were high, allowing me to fast forward past the preparatory classes and straight to the actual GED test.

I'll never forget the day I bounded into your building to retrieve my scores.  It was a day that changed my life forever. 

After telling the lady who was working my name, she thumbed through the test results until she found mine.  She looked at the score for a long moment, and then met my eager gaze.  "Hold on," she said with a hint of uncertainty in her voice.  "I want to make sure this is right." 

She left the counter and went into another room.  I stood alone with my stomach in knots wondering if I had failed.  

She quickly emerged with a huge grin.  She apologized but explained she had never seen a score that high before.  I was elated and remember everything she told me.  She opened a catalog to Allen County Community College and circled some information for me and explained she knew I could receive a scholarship with my high score.  I wish I could remember the name of this wonderful woman.

I left there with that booklet clutched tightly in my hand.  The promise of hope for my future was sweet and for the first time in a long time, I felt alive again.

I did call Allen County and discovered by enrolling full time with my GED score, I could receive my tuition and fees covered with no charge.  Pell Grants covered additional costs and even helped me pay to have daycare watch my daughter.  After one year at Allen County at their Burlingame Campus, I was inducted into Phi Theta Kappa, a two-year college honor society, and then applied for transfer to Washburn.  Washburn University offered me a scholarship of $1,500 per year for my academics and the honor society gave me an additional $1,200 per year.  I applied for every scholarship I could find and received many.  Between academic scholarships and Pell Grants, my entire college education cost me nothing but hard work and determination.

I walked in a cap and gown in May of 2004 pending a dreaded Spanish class, and thanks to another new baby and later a divorce, it took me a while to complete (Summer 2008).  But, much in part of the quick encouragement of some angel on your staff, I am now the Director of Communications for United Way of Greater Topeka.  I have my Bachelors of Arts Degree in Mass Media with dual emphases in Public Relations and Journalism. 

And, best of all, I have set an example for my two daughters and new baby son of which I have tremendous pride.

I just wanted to share my story and thank you.  Many years ago, I also participated in the GED graduation ceremony - if you ever have an opportunity for a speaker for this engagement, I would love the opportunity to motivate others to pursue their dreams.

Thank you
Jamie

Almost immediately after sending it, I received a reply - well, it wasn't a reply, but rather an email between Melissa and Mary Ann that I accidentally got copied on:

WOW!  I believe this angel at the front desk was you, Melissa.  What a wonderful testimony.  Yes, print this off and post it.  I will keep a copy and we will contact Jamie to be a speaker for us :)  This letter came at just the right time to boost our mood, didn't it? ! :)  ma

Soon after, an email came to me:

Jamie,

 

Thank you for writing to us and for sharing your beautiful story.  Congratulations on your graduation from Washburn and on your excellent job with the United Way!  I will keep your letter and we will certainly contact you to be a speaker for us at graduation and, possibly, to our students in classes, too.  They often need a boost to keep up their motivation and to believe that all of their work toward the GED really is worthwhile.  All good wishes for continuing success.   Mary Ann

 

It felt great to finally pass on the thanks and I'm thrilled to learn it was Melissa and that she's still there inspiring others - and now I may have the opportunity to do the same!  I'll keep you posted.

 

Coming out of the Closet...

I'm not gay, but I do love an organized closet - so much so that I decided to blog about it.  In fact, I enjoy organization so much that I will make special trips to recently organized areas and open doors, drawers or cabinets to look at them in complete awe and udder adoration.  Yup. 

By nature, I am NOT an organized person, but that doesn't mean I don't both appreciate and enjoy order. 

For the past nearly four years I have lived in this house, I've been trying to organize the innards of the home. I have visited the same closet and drawer on numerous occasions, dump all its contents, purged our home of unneeded or outdated items and put them away in an organized fashion.

Baby is only 2 months old, and I have organized and re-organized his changing station (I have all his clothes, diapers, gifts, etc... in there).  After the 10th time of it being a wreck, I purchased baskets to help keep things separated and re-organized yet again.  It looked awesome and worked incredibly well.  Since I am the main user of said station (and caregiver of baby 99.9% of the time), it did not get messed up and maintained order.

Fast forward one week.  Last night, I asked hubby to retrieve a fresh onesie for me.  He complained but finally trekked upstairs to grab one.  I thought he might comment on the organization since it was the first time he had been in there.  He didn't, and that was ok.  However, this morning, when I went to dress baby for the day, I opened the doors to the cabinet to admire the order only to find complete disarray from my husband.  The onesies were in a jumbled mess.  Why?  Seriously?  Why?  One visit = complete destruction.

I quickly fixed them and dressed the baby and glanced around my room.  Maybe I really am organized - just surrounded by a bunch of complete slobs.

Feeling better...

I am feeling better - and thinner, even though much of my wardrobe won't cooperate.  I have an incredible shopping itch too.  I think it's a little bit of everything -- being back at work, losing a few more pounds and even tanning and my new highlights.  Everything has given me a little boost of confidence helping me feel human again! 

I'm starting to think of the upcoming independence day with anticipation versus complete dread -- I MIGHT (maybe, no promises) wear a swim suit!

And, I do have some 6 week stomach photos to post - and I'll try and post some for next week as well.

1 3 7 !

Nothing like being too busy to eat while back at work and having to squeeze into work slacks to get a girl re-motivated!  I'm NOT doing the shakes anymore, but will remain in the challenge.  Maybe I can fit into some more slacks by next week or the week after!

Bitchin'

I have like two wonderful friends who actually read this blog - and I say "Thank you" for caring!  Thanks for reading and checking in on my rants and raves and my progress.  Knowing you look in every now and again helps keep me motivated.

Please know that sometimes - oftentimes - I like to bitch.  And, when I get pissy at a pair of pants or the numbers on the scale, I have a tendency to bitch in my blog.  For me it's my therapy.

I know it will take some time and I know I look a lot better than many others just 2 months in - but I'm impatient as hell and I hate being heavy.  I'll try to be a little more positive and focused on the goal, because like it as I might, bitchin' ain't gonna burn a single calorie.

11 Days, 11 Nights...

Can't believe it's been 11 days since my last post.  Not much has really changed or transpired... I skipped my weigh in last week (my one free pass).  I start work tomorrow - guess that's a big deal.  Little Dude will be in tow with me.  I just spent the past hour trying to figure out how to use the baby sling I received as a gift 6 years ago with Lil Q - never figured it out then, but after watching an online video (yes, it's that complex), I think I got it.  And, it will help me free up my hands so I can hold him and work in office at the same time. 

Returning to work has me completely stressed - stomach in knots - random tears, the works.  He's coming with me, so it isn't that... it's just knowing the baby moon is almost over -- knowing I have to somehow balance getting things done and keeping a newborn from crying for 12 hours a week (yes, I know I'm lucky it's only 4 hours a day for 3 days...) and having to deal with the crap shoot that is my job again.  We didn't win the lottery while I was on leave, so I have to return.

All this extra stress and I added more by not losing any weight in these past 11 days.  I'm staying about the same on the crappy home scale at 140.5 lbs.  Have to go weigh in tomorrow for the contest - and for new motivation.  I went shopping yesterday for new work clothes with the girls to be my fashion advisers.  I found a nice first outfit at JCPenney, but they were so busy and overrun with people, I didn't buy it and went to Maurices - one of my all time favorite stores. 

I was pleasantly surprised to find that during my maternity leave they had remodeled and doubled the size of the store! However, the thrills soon ended when I started trying on clothes.  I fit into a 7/8, but even the 9/10 was causing too much muffin top.  My butt isn't the problem - nor my thighs -- it's still the extra thick waist and extra skin.  Ugh.  I couldn't bring myself to purchase an 11/12.  I left after trying on a few things... Now, I should have bought a few things - and those size 9/10 pants were awful, but I was near tears at the idea of even putting an 11/12 on.  I apologized to the sales girl and left with my daughters.  I held in the tears until after dropping them off at their dad's.

It's painful to feel this way.  I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself and shopping is supposed to be fun.  I feel like I have sacrificed so much of myself and that I'll never be happy with it again.  I know I need to be patient, but it's so hard.  I'm trying to hang on.

To help myself feel a little better - in between random crying from being so emotional about returning to work/my body/ life in general - I went tanning for the first time in nearly a year.  It felt good.  And, after that, with the sling working, I feel a little more positive I can actually make it through week one.

W T F !

What.The.Fuck or What.the.Shit! Whatever suits your fancy... because that's what I got to say about my weight this morning.  After pounding over 64 oz of H20 and keeping at 1500 calories, I expected some of that water weight would purge itself from my system.  Nope.  The CRAP scale has me UP A POUND!  Fuck.  Now I REALLY don't want to go in there and weigh.

And, to anyone who reads this blog (no body) I apologize for my ripe language this am, but I just can't help it.

I think I'll just face the freaking music and go in there.  God I hate to see it reverse itself.  I really am half tempted to pull day two of being really good in the hopes that tomorrow's scale will be a better reflection... but then honestly, I only give myself 4 days between weigh ins (supposed to weigh in again next Monday...).

I'm still undecided...  so, I'm going to keep my readers (no one) hanging!

Eight Weeks Postpartum

Eight weeks sounds like a long time and such a short time all at once.  Today, I hit the links for the first time since I had the baby - and I was exhausted by hole 5.  Good thing we only signed on for 9.  I was a bit frustrated with myself, but felt better when I remember that it has ONLY been eight weeks.  It's gonna take some time and the best way to get there is to get active and get moving and of course - to allow myself to have a little patience.

However, I was a bit discouraged at my weigh in - in fact, I was so discouraged that I decided my weigh in was some how off base didn't count.  Here's what happened - I weighed this morning on the crappy scale and was holding steady at 140 (yes, up slightly from Saturday's low of 139...).  So, I drank my coffee and ran the girls to camps and headed out with the baby to the nutrition place.  I ordered my shake and weighed - I weighed in right at 147!? WTF!  I should have been down according to my home scale - is my good luck weightloss finally catching the turn?  Am I going to have to actually try really hard to lose weight now?  DRAT!

The chick that runs the place (and does that measurements) was out, so I quickly slipped my shoes back on and decided I would come back the next day and try again.  I drank alot of water to flush my system and stayed around 1500 calories.  Hopefully, it's just a bit of extra water weight and I'll drop again tomorrow.  I sure hope so!  I know I'm getting lower and lower on the scale and that's gonna mean it will get harder and harder. 

But, I'm in it for the long haul - and I will get down.  I think a good short term goal should include a swimsuit (GASP!) for an Independence Day bash.  Even if it's a one piece, it's 4.5 weeks away... I bet I could drop close to 10 in that time. 

Oh, and not to complain, but the BEST part of being pregnant was that my face was crystal clear - apparently that's not the case any longer.