Self esteem - Self Destruct

Feeling pretty good about myself until this picture surfaces on Facebook... why God?  WHY?  This was taken just this last Sunday at my nephew's graduation party.  Seriously.

Weight UNKNOWN?!

It's MONDAY - official challenge weigh in day and I have no idea what I weigh - every morning (except today) I have jumped on the scale.  But, after 2 all day graduation celebrations and Hubby making me shrimp scampi and buttered artichoke hearts on Saturday night (I love him AND I hate him!!!), I'm really nervous.  Since there's nothing I can do at this point but face the music, I'm going in blind and crossing my fingers.

I WAS down a pound earlier in the week... let's hope it holds and I don't gain!

That said, it has been super hard this weekend and I know I'm going to have to do a lot more to master the parties because in the summer, they are like every weekend -- and usually there are swimsuits (GASP!) involved.  I didn't feel like I overate yesterday, but I have the "I ate too much sodium puffy face" today.  Yuck!  The odd thing is that I DID drink water, but just not enough to compensate for all the grab and go quick foods (potato chips, deli meats...).

I'll update my progress after I weigh in.

Hmmmm... no posts for a weekend

I took a double weekend rest day -- and I so needed it!  I think some of that high end motivation has dwindled, and now it's just me and my determination left over.  No worries -- I got plenty of determination.  I won't miss a run day, and I justified it yesterday with the yard work  I did as a trade for my cross training.  The yard is looking pretty sweet thanks to having a few hired hands one day and a lot of grunt work from hubby and I on those that followed.  Looks good.

Now, my weight... not so good.  I'm really disappointed as I weighed myself earlier in the week (the day AFTER we enjoyed baby back ribs) to find myself actually UP 2 lbs.  I am sure it was too much salt and water retention, but between that salt and the extra salt from a fish fry yesterday, I'm sure to be more displeased come my official weigh in tomorrow.  All week, I had a feeling I would end up with a nutrition plan to start of my Tuesday.  I don't WANT to diet, and it's gonna be hard as I'm really hungry with nursing (and I CRAVE sugar like mad), but, it has to be done. 

And, yes, I'm still nursing.  Little man got 6 ounces of formula yesterday and he's almost one month old.  On Thursday, I'm going to up his formula intake and start the weaning process in higher gear.  I can't just stop.  Ouch! But, I will wean him.  Maybe as soon as the 6-week mark.  I'd like to be through with it and have normal boobs and do normal dieting again.  Selfish?  No way.  If it is good for me, it's good for my baby, and sanity of the mother is of highest priority.

Today is a run day.  I hope I can get outside.  Hubby left for his first overnight last night but is home this afternoon (although gone again Wednesday - Lil' Q's Bday! - through Friday).  Today, I'm to run 4/walk 1.  Wednesday is a tough one.  I'm nervous and yet excited -- I'll be up to a 5K run in NO TIME.  Just wish the weight would peel off as quickly as I'm building endurance and stamina...

That said, I'm checking into some support options - maybe the Daily Shake Nutrition Center -- it worked wonders for my good friend Cydney, and a little support and motivation never hurt anyone.

Tuesday Weigh In

I weighed in and wasn't happy.  Still at 145 - as my sister-in-law would type in her blog, "What.the.Fuck?"  I'm not going to freak out or worse yet, falter.  My weight may remain unchanged week over week, but I've lot serious inches, and I'm not going to be upset about that.  My plan is simple - stay on course, and be cautious of what I eat.  If, however, next week also nets no results, I will begin a more strict plan for my food intake -- probably around 1800 a day.  As I wean the nursing, I know my calorie requirements will also drop.  BB is preferring the bottle more and more.  It makes me a little sad, but really, it's much less stressful and I love him all the same.

No more mommy guilt for me!!!

I felt great after my jog yesterday.  I went 30 minutes - started with a 2 minute warm up and then alternated jogging 2 minutes at 5.5 miles per hour followed by a brisk walk for 1 minute at 4.0 mph.  After 21 minutes, I jogged straight (dropping down to 5.0 for a few minutes) until I hit the 26 minute mark and felt incredibly empowered.  I will soon be going for 2 and then 3 miles straight!  What an amazing accomplishment at only three weeks postpartum.  

Today is a XTraining day, and I'm up to 35 minutes cross training now.  My mom is actually coming to help me out today, which is wonderful considering Hubby is out of town for the day in Manhattan for a demo.  My exercise plan is the Mat Pilates portion of my Denise Austin tape and 15 minutes power walking.  I will do this after mom leaves and hopefully before the kiddos get home. Eventually, I'll build up to doing some actual calorie busting cardio on these days, but I'm not in the business of burning out early.  My plan is a real lifestyle change.

Onto another note - my eldest daughter, Koko, 11, has been busy participating in intramurals over the past 2 1/2 weeks.  Every morning, she has gotten up early for track practice and Hubby has driven her in the early AM.  Yesterday was her track meet marking the end of intramurals (yay!).

I was so thrilled to have her get involved in athletics.  She hadn't shown much interest in the past, and to be honest, she lacks the ability and drive -- raw talent that just can't be taught.  My daughter is one of the sweetest, most beautiful young women I know, and I'm not speaking ill of her - it's just not her niche.  And, that's ok.  But, it brought back tough memories of my own - watching her come in almost last and then last for two races (200 meter dash and 100 meter dash).  Much like her, I wasn't a sprinter.  In fact, I didn't have much athletic ability until about 8th grade (and then chasing boys took priority).  But, I did have some skill and hand eye coordination... it was hard to watch her just like I'm sure it was hard for her to compete knowing she wouldn't and couldn't win.


She was brave for sticking with it and I'm proud of her.  Maybe one day, she'll find a love of running (not sprinting!) like her mom has...

But, I can't close out without commenting on the extraordinarily high percentage of FAT MIDDLE SCHOOL GIRLS I saw! It was ridiculous! They really are getting fatter and fatter -- and it's sickening to see so many pretty girls setting themselves up for bad health.  Our nation really is in an epidemic, and I hope I can instill good habits in my kids before it's too late for them.

Antibiotics - hurray!

Mastitis be gone with you (or, sometime after 10 days of pills) - I am feeling so much better and completed my run today.  I felt a little guilty about yesterday, but, I needed a rest day, and mastitis can get serious.  Today, I went 30 minutes and jogged 2 (5.5 mph) and walked 1 (4.0 mph). I took it up as high as 5.8, but didn't want to over do it (again...).  On Thursday and Friday, I'll work to increase the mph on the jogging stretches. 

I feel great.  I sweat a lot.  And, while I don't know what tomorrow will bring in regard to my weight, I know I'm heading in the right direction.

OMG DOMS!!!

Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness (DOMS) hit me unexpectedly late yesterday afternoon.  I didn't realize I had "over done" it so much to be SO SORE everywhere!!! I actually thought my muscle pains were a result of me getting sick -- shows you how long it's been since I did a REAL workout.

I pushed through it and managed to do the yoga portion of my Denise Austin tape around 8:30 at night.  Nothing like waiting until the last minute.  It was only 20 minutes, and it was disgraceful at best, but I did it - huffing and puffing and falling over (I have NO balance!).  And, I considered my walking around the soccer fields as the remaining 10 minutes (to complete the 30 required).  I hurt - and especially my back -- and I know it's from the darn baby carrier.

And, then, I don't know why, but I stepped on the scale today.  I'm really sore (as stated previously) and probably holding on some inflammation, but it hadn't moved!!!  I'll wait to see what my official weigh in day says before I totally freak.  I know I'm gaining muscle and losing inches, but the scale CANNOT stay where it is if I'm to get back to the preprego size I crave.

Today, is a 30 minutes XT or Long Walk day.  I'm hoping to get on my bike at long last!  Looks like a beautiful day for it.

UPDATE: I'm no doctor, but it's not just a little DOMS I'm dealing with.  I realized when I was getting in the shower that I have Mastitis - an infection of my milk ducts.  It might be from giving BB a few bottles, wearing a tight sports bra or not alternating nursing positions enough.  It hurts! And, chills and a fever are two side affects... not sure what to do about my workout today and I'll have to wait until tomorrow to get to the doctor... To Be Continued...

The new pic is one of the ones from Shelley's photo session.  I think it's beautiful! And, while I love nursing my son (I nursed the girls for 5-6 months each), I think I'll call curtains this time around much sooner.  It's very taxing, and while it's supposed to promote weight loss, it doesn't for me.  My sanity has to come first... and right now, my breasts hurt so bad!!! I'm thinking I'll wean him slowly over the next 3-5 weeks.  He's gotten a lot of good stuff already.