Is that a hickey on your neck?

That's a question I've heard over and over throughout my life.  It happened in the second grade when I was at a listening station and my well-intentioned teacher leaned over and pointed to the red mark under my chin and inquired.  At 16, I was working the day shift at Subway for extra hours when the store manager instructed me in the middle of the rush to go put a bandaid over it.  It's not a hickey.  It's a birth mark, and many times, I've actually called my mother (in the case with my Subway boss) to prove otherwise. 

Many people tell me they don't notice it.  I've tried to use concealers - especially when I'm doing something important like attending parent/teacher conferences or at a job interview.  I wear my hair down and tilt my head to make it less obvious.  I wonder though if I've ever been discounted because someone mistakenly assumed I had been necking... and yes... even at 30, I still get asked!

I asked the dermatologist about it once and he said he could laser it off - that it would take 3 sessions and would not be covered by my insurance.  That was probably 6 years ago.  He quoted me $600 then.  It's always seemed worth it to me, I just never felt like spending the money... until now!

I'm sitting at 136 lbs (after yo-yoing some up from the previous excited post of 137). After I get a smidge (that's an official number) below 135, I get to reward myself by making that first appointment with Dr. Gadzia (affectionately known as Dr. Godzilla by my eldest).  It's a little reward, but knowing it's on the horizon has brought new motivation.  I'm back at work full time now, and that makes it a bit easier to stay focused - less opportunity to meander to the fridge or pantry throughout the day!  And, I have frozen Lean Cuisine (yuck) meals here to prevent me from running to Mickey Ds.  So... that's one of the plans - elective procedures to motivate me.  It's makes me laugh.  I'm going to ask him about my stretch marks too - I asked before as well.  I have a lot of them, and while he can't rid me of them completely, he can help diminish their appearance.  Back in the day, he quoted me $1,200... but if I get to 125, that's the next call I'm making!  My body has been through a lot, and I deserve a little something to help me in getting back to where I want to be. 

Recalled

I saved nearly every major piece of baby gear from Quincy with the hopes I would one day pass it forward to my sister... little did I know I would end up using it again.  I have found that nearly everything I saved has been recalled - and in searching for new straps for the high chair found a recall for it too:  http://www.consumeraffairs.com/recalls/cosco_hi.html

Apparently, the damn chair comes dislodged from the base and falls - I could have told them that before it made it to the market.  Do they not test their equipment before stocking the shelves of every Babies R Us?  I made it through Quincy with this thing and I knew it was quirky then - I just adjust as always, but I will consider purchasing a new one.  Knowing their is a recall somehow kicks mama guilt into gear.  That's why I have a brand new crib, mattress, infant car seat and stroller.  I didn't even look up the bassinet, but I'm sure it was a recall too...

Thanking the past

Today, I did something I had been meaning to get around to for nearly a decade.  I thanked a woman who was instrumental in giving me the gentle push to turn my life around.  I didn't know her name, but I knew what her job was 10 years ago, so, on a hope and a prayer, I emailed the following letter to the directors of the Adult Education Program of USD 501 - which is now housed at WU Institute of Technology (then it was Kaw Area Technical School). 

My letter of thanks: 

Dear Mary Ann and Melissa,

I wanted to write you both an email to share my story with you because someone in your office changed my life 10 years ago. 

I had dropped out of high school at age 17 after dealing with a series of tragedies in my life.  I ran away from home from nearby Mayetta Kansas - to a place very far away - in Tennessee along with a friend who was reporting to her military post in that state.  I lived in Tennessee for three years and during that time, got married and had a beautiful baby girl.

After my then husband's military service ended, I somehow convinced him to move to Kansas.  I found employment waiting tables as at the Holiday Inn restaurant. It was a tough life with our daughter. 

The fact that I didn't have my high school diploma weighed heavily on my conscious.  I had been an A student through the course of my life and I felt a sense of longing to finish what I had started.  In the Spring of 2000, filled with angst, I walked through the doors of your Adult Education Center to take a pre-test.  My scores were high, allowing me to fast forward past the preparatory classes and straight to the actual GED test.

I'll never forget the day I bounded into your building to retrieve my scores.  It was a day that changed my life forever. 

After telling the lady who was working my name, she thumbed through the test results until she found mine.  She looked at the score for a long moment, and then met my eager gaze.  "Hold on," she said with a hint of uncertainty in her voice.  "I want to make sure this is right." 

She left the counter and went into another room.  I stood alone with my stomach in knots wondering if I had failed.  

She quickly emerged with a huge grin.  She apologized but explained she had never seen a score that high before.  I was elated and remember everything she told me.  She opened a catalog to Allen County Community College and circled some information for me and explained she knew I could receive a scholarship with my high score.  I wish I could remember the name of this wonderful woman.

I left there with that booklet clutched tightly in my hand.  The promise of hope for my future was sweet and for the first time in a long time, I felt alive again.

I did call Allen County and discovered by enrolling full time with my GED score, I could receive my tuition and fees covered with no charge.  Pell Grants covered additional costs and even helped me pay to have daycare watch my daughter.  After one year at Allen County at their Burlingame Campus, I was inducted into Phi Theta Kappa, a two-year college honor society, and then applied for transfer to Washburn.  Washburn University offered me a scholarship of $1,500 per year for my academics and the honor society gave me an additional $1,200 per year.  I applied for every scholarship I could find and received many.  Between academic scholarships and Pell Grants, my entire college education cost me nothing but hard work and determination.

I walked in a cap and gown in May of 2004 pending a dreaded Spanish class, and thanks to another new baby and later a divorce, it took me a while to complete (Summer 2008).  But, much in part of the quick encouragement of some angel on your staff, I am now the Director of Communications for United Way of Greater Topeka.  I have my Bachelors of Arts Degree in Mass Media with dual emphases in Public Relations and Journalism. 

And, best of all, I have set an example for my two daughters and new baby son of which I have tremendous pride.

I just wanted to share my story and thank you.  Many years ago, I also participated in the GED graduation ceremony - if you ever have an opportunity for a speaker for this engagement, I would love the opportunity to motivate others to pursue their dreams.

Thank you
Jamie

Almost immediately after sending it, I received a reply - well, it wasn't a reply, but rather an email between Melissa and Mary Ann that I accidentally got copied on:

WOW!  I believe this angel at the front desk was you, Melissa.  What a wonderful testimony.  Yes, print this off and post it.  I will keep a copy and we will contact Jamie to be a speaker for us :)  This letter came at just the right time to boost our mood, didn't it? ! :)  ma

Soon after, an email came to me:

Jamie,

 

Thank you for writing to us and for sharing your beautiful story.  Congratulations on your graduation from Washburn and on your excellent job with the United Way!  I will keep your letter and we will certainly contact you to be a speaker for us at graduation and, possibly, to our students in classes, too.  They often need a boost to keep up their motivation and to believe that all of their work toward the GED really is worthwhile.  All good wishes for continuing success.   Mary Ann

 

It felt great to finally pass on the thanks and I'm thrilled to learn it was Melissa and that she's still there inspiring others - and now I may have the opportunity to do the same!  I'll keep you posted.

 

Coming out of the Closet...

I'm not gay, but I do love an organized closet - so much so that I decided to blog about it.  In fact, I enjoy organization so much that I will make special trips to recently organized areas and open doors, drawers or cabinets to look at them in complete awe and udder adoration.  Yup. 

By nature, I am NOT an organized person, but that doesn't mean I don't both appreciate and enjoy order. 

For the past nearly four years I have lived in this house, I've been trying to organize the innards of the home. I have visited the same closet and drawer on numerous occasions, dump all its contents, purged our home of unneeded or outdated items and put them away in an organized fashion.

Baby is only 2 months old, and I have organized and re-organized his changing station (I have all his clothes, diapers, gifts, etc... in there).  After the 10th time of it being a wreck, I purchased baskets to help keep things separated and re-organized yet again.  It looked awesome and worked incredibly well.  Since I am the main user of said station (and caregiver of baby 99.9% of the time), it did not get messed up and maintained order.

Fast forward one week.  Last night, I asked hubby to retrieve a fresh onesie for me.  He complained but finally trekked upstairs to grab one.  I thought he might comment on the organization since it was the first time he had been in there.  He didn't, and that was ok.  However, this morning, when I went to dress baby for the day, I opened the doors to the cabinet to admire the order only to find complete disarray from my husband.  The onesies were in a jumbled mess.  Why?  Seriously?  Why?  One visit = complete destruction.

I quickly fixed them and dressed the baby and glanced around my room.  Maybe I really am organized - just surrounded by a bunch of complete slobs.

Feeling better...

I am feeling better - and thinner, even though much of my wardrobe won't cooperate.  I have an incredible shopping itch too.  I think it's a little bit of everything -- being back at work, losing a few more pounds and even tanning and my new highlights.  Everything has given me a little boost of confidence helping me feel human again! 

I'm starting to think of the upcoming independence day with anticipation versus complete dread -- I MIGHT (maybe, no promises) wear a swim suit!

And, I do have some 6 week stomach photos to post - and I'll try and post some for next week as well.

1 3 7 !

Nothing like being too busy to eat while back at work and having to squeeze into work slacks to get a girl re-motivated!  I'm NOT doing the shakes anymore, but will remain in the challenge.  Maybe I can fit into some more slacks by next week or the week after!

Bitchin'

I have like two wonderful friends who actually read this blog - and I say "Thank you" for caring!  Thanks for reading and checking in on my rants and raves and my progress.  Knowing you look in every now and again helps keep me motivated.

Please know that sometimes - oftentimes - I like to bitch.  And, when I get pissy at a pair of pants or the numbers on the scale, I have a tendency to bitch in my blog.  For me it's my therapy.

I know it will take some time and I know I look a lot better than many others just 2 months in - but I'm impatient as hell and I hate being heavy.  I'll try to be a little more positive and focused on the goal, because like it as I might, bitchin' ain't gonna burn a single calorie.